It’s not ‘happy wife, happy life,’ it’s ‘happy spouse, happy house,’ because everyone deserves to be happy.

When I finally woke from unconsciousness, there was confusion in what I saw. Before me was an endless bed of yellow-brown sand, punctuated with particulates of white and larger bits of black. As I lay there, I slowly came to my sense, realizing I was face-down in the half-light of a deep crevasse of Utah earth.…

Two things I’ve come to really value as I’ve aged: Two-ply toilet paper and comfortable shoes.

The clerk at the DMV called out, ‘8-7-6.’ I jumped up and shouted, ‘5-3-oh-9.’ No one got it, including the security guard who reminded me, ‘Use your inner-voice next time.’

‘The Gospel According to Luke’ is the story of Jesus Christ. It consists of 24 chapters; one for each day of December up to Christmas eve.

It wasn’t like I meant to pass through my estranged wife’s home town at the time, but it was the only way I knew of getting to Julian and to the eastern side of the Salton Sea. The beginning of July is nice in the higher elevations, but dropping down through Anza-Borrego, it became ungodly…

The video header reads: “Pianist plays Chopin in the Himalayas at 16, 000 feet.” My first reaction, “At that elevation, it must’ve been breathtaking.”

The ‘bullet bra’ fell out of popularity when politicians began confusing ‘second base’ with the ‘second amendment.’

Let’s form a caravan, head for Disney World and remember to put the kids up front when we get there.

Irony is knowing that some of the same people who eat only non genetically modified foods are also the same people who smoke genetically modified marijuana.