The best way to watch the movie, ‘The Bird Box,’ is while wearing a blindfold.

When talking about results remember that the last thing to grow on a fruit tree is its fruit.

“Twenty-ninteen is gonna be a fierce year.” “How so?” “I’m finally gonna toss out all the rules and simply be true to myself.” “That doesn’t make any sense.” “It does, if you think about it. For years, I’ve been living with rules that do nothing but bog me down.” “Like what?” “Like not worrying about who the…

As a kid the dark use to scare me. Now, I’m afraid of the electric bill.

People who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by those who have nothing to say.

Dog’s can’t operate an MRI, but cat’s can. And that’s an altogether different story.

If after a long horseback ride, your butt hurts, your stirrups are too long; your knees hurt, stirrups are too short. But if everything hurts, they’re jus’ right.

There was a time when I didn’t find my shit very interesting. But now that I’m locked up in this insane asylum, I find it of extreme interest. No shuttlecock, cards or checkers for me. Finger painting and pitching practice are my newest hobbies. And as soon as they remove this jacket, I’ll be getting…

I found my toothbrush on the bathroom floor again. My extra-sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use another toothpaste.

If you sleep with a centerfold, expect to get a paper cut.