A mathematician celebrates 4/20 on 1/5 because he knows how to do fractions.

Do like Jesus, if you can’t turn the tables, flip them over instead.

She danced like nobody was watching, and once they weren’t watching, she left her date, a guy she couldn’t stand and went home to her husband.

While I’m used to my night terrors, having a good old-fashioned nightmare is rare and even more unusual is the occasional bad dream. This bad dream began as a stress-test of sorts as I was unable to take a shower ahead of an important gathering. Then… “Eighty-eight and 89 are problem children,” said the unrecognizable…

I watched the video of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dancing. The last time I saw a Commie dance, it was Jane Fonda’s exercise video in 1982.

It’s a proven fact that having sex on a regular basis helps improve the memory. Hope everyone has a wonderful 2009.

An atheist once told me that the only reason Jesus walked on the water is because he couldn’t swim.

Every time I hear the words, ‘I’m new here…’ I wanna say, ‘Keep coming back, it works!’”

After watching that video of Elizabeth Warren drinking a beer, all I could think was, ‘alcohol abuse.’ And it looked like such good beer, too.

Friends who stick with you in your darkest hours, probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.