There was a time when I didn’t find my shit very interesting. But now that I’m locked up in this insane asylum, I find it of extreme interest. No shuttlecock, cards or checkers for me. Finger painting and pitching practice are my newest hobbies. And as soon as they remove this jacket, I’ll be getting…

I found my toothbrush on the bathroom floor again. My extra-sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use another toothpaste.

If you sleep with a centerfold, expect to get a paper cut.

‘A way out,’ isn’t a good answer when asked what a person should look for in a relationship.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is the end of the ‘blonde’ joke as we know it.

Mountain wind’s Blow roughly Through trees, Breaking, frozen Bows, falling, Losing to Gravity’s law. Scattered atop Snowy abundance. Bundles gathered. Kindling nighttime’s Warming hearth.

Does wanting a Swatch watch constitute a midlife crisis? Asking for a friend.

I asked Alexa, ‘What do women want?’ She hasn’t shut up, yet!

Democrats don’t want the southern border wall built because they know that if they accidentally kick their soccer ball over it, they might not get it back.

If a woman says, ‘do what you want,’ don’t. Don’t move, don’t breathe, don’t blink. In fact, play dead.