It’s easier to illegally get into the U.S. than it is to legally get into the Superbowl.

Tootsie Pops for Valentine’s Day — how do I love thee, let me count the ways…a one, a two, a three…CRUNCH…three.

What Would Charles Bukowski Do?

“How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” came the happy refrain around Woodchuck Hollow. He tried to join in, but the sound left him in agony and with no cure for his self-imposed illness. Poor Harold Woodchuck had gone and done something stupid the night before and was paying…

Hello, I’m Saint Stupid — the Patron Saint of Dumb-asses.

The first time my wife and I met eye-to-eye, I lied to her. Told her I was good-looking.

I used to have a lot of stress in my life — but then I began calling it ‘excitement.’ I feel better now.

Gasping for breath while clutching the meat cleaver and continuing to crash head-long through the dense undergrowth, she ran for her young life. Her cape tattered, her breasts slashed and bloodied, she heard them — but did not listen. “Stop! You’re the victim,” cried the deer. “Wait for the woodcutter to save you,” called the tree.…

The U.S. Marine Corps — spreading toxic masculinity around the globe since 1775.

The polar vortex is creating so much ice that even the sun slipped over the horizon.