My Cousin Elmo says, “One man’s cougar is another man’s grandmother.”

Bought myself a new book. It is the story of my life. Made of tiny pieces. Assembly’s required.

Noah looked like an idiot, until it began raining.

Everyone told Beethoven that he couldn’t be a musician because he was deaf.  He didn’t listen.

The two most dangerous places to be in the U.S. are in a law enforcement uniform and a woman’s womb.

Adam Levine shows-off both nipples during his Superbowl performance and yet Janet Jackson only gets to expose one. Hypocrisy!

“So you’ve been reading Mother Goose, huh?” Grandpa asked. “Yup,” answered his eight-year-old grandson, “Though I don’t understand the one about the old lady living in a shoe with all those kids.” “What don’t you get?” “How she fit everybody in a shoe.” “Would it help if I told you the old lady was actually…

I am a writer because I believe in me. Believe in yourself and soon others will too!

Alice watched as the white rabbit bounced through the garden, pausing in the grass. He looked at the watch in his paw. “Oh, my!” he exclaimed, “I’m late for a very important date!” Tucking the watch back where he had it, the rabbit hopped twice more before a pistol shot rang out. Alice ducked and…

In summer of 2002, it was night-time and I was asleep on the ground. I rolled over and got stung below my right eye by an Arizona Bark Scorpion. My face swelled up and all that jazz. Once the swelling went away, I was left with a small bump that kind of looked like a pimple,…