• Q: What did the Marine Corps Sniper says to his Spotter as he looked through his rifle’s scope?

    A: “I see dead people.”

  • While I can mark myself safe from the Christmas song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” I can’t mark myself safe from the snow or the shovel.

  • “Dear Santa, Please define ‘naughty.’”

  • Place Holder

    The sign next to the lamp read: “DO NOT TOUCH.” That made it all the more tempting to Simon, as he tried lifting the lid, but found it wouldn’t budge.

    Instead, he blew away the excess dust before wiping it off with his hand. Suddenly, a stream of smoke roiled from the spout and from that, the form of a man took shape.

    “What year is this?” he asked.

    Simon answered.

    “Amazing! Nearly 100-years. Thanks for releasing me.”

    “So, do I get my three wishes?” Simon asked.

    “Don’t be silly, man,” the fellow answered, “You get to take my place.”

  • Because of political correctness Dick Van Dyke could be forced to change his name to ‘Penis Truck Lesbian.’

  • No, the Cold War didn’t end because of Global Warming.

  • Falling Star

    We kids called her Grandma because none of us knew her real name. On most summer days she’d spread a colorful blanket out on the grass in the shade of a redwood tree and weave her baskets as well as her tales.

    As children, we dared not join her on her blanket, because to do so would’ve been rude, so we each took a seat on the hard ground around her. One story we liked was also the one she told often — about how the first falling star came into being in the Universe. 

    Great Mother had learned that one of her youngsters, a young star, had lain with New Moon. Called before the entire constellation, the young star found herself being questioned.

    Great Mother asked Star if she had gone with New Moon willingly? Star nodded, “Yes, Mother.”

    “Surely, you know the punishment for such an offense?” Great Mother asked Star.

    Star answered, “Yes, I do, Mother.”

    With a heaviness in her heart, Great Mother opened a hole the night and as Star readied herself to jump through it, she proclaimed, “I will aways love New Moon with all of my heart.”

    Star, then disappeared through the hole her Great Mother had made, being banned from the sky forever. Meanwhile, far below, a little girl watching with delight, made a wish as she spotted the falling Star.

  • The title ‘leader,’ is reserved for the one who does by example and no real politican can meet this measure.

  • If you can’t say something nice…then tell the truth.

  • Sheep’s Clothing

    Such unlikely friends
    Sheep bleating and dog barking
    Wearing wool sweaters.