• I’m still trying to figure out which one of my ancestors pee’d in the family gene pool.

  • The French government’s about to demonstrate why the Second Amendment is so important to Americans.

  • I came, I saw, I forgot, returned twice, still can’t remember.

  • Life can become confusing when you realize the French are smarter than Californian’s when it comes to taxation.

  • After the Apple’s Blossom

    “Look,” Terrence said to his mother, “A story in grandpa’s handwriting!”

    “Oh, my!” she responded as Terrence sat down at the nearby desk and started reading, while his mother continued to organize boxes filled with her dead father’s things.

    It was a story about a husband murdering his wife because she was too nice, then burying her in their garden beneath the apple tree. He loved to give apples from the tree to his grandson, enjoying the thought that the child was eating his grandmother.

    Terrence looked out the window at the tree full of apples and suddenly felt ill.

  • GA(rden)-5 4621

  • Does being good at being naughty count for anything at Christmas? Asking for a friend.

  • What Mom Said

    “No spitting!’ Mom says, adding, “If it’s in your mouth, you swallow,” after the little boy spat his food out onto his plate.

    Dad’s shoots her a look, eyebrows raised.

    She warns him with a growl, “Shut up…”

  • That Poe Raven

    “Oh, those news broadcasts,”
    Cried the Raven from my TV satellite,
    “’Never more’ I said!”

  • I love breasts — chicken, turkey and women’s.