• It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “Do you know what are you charged with?”

    “Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

    “That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

    Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.

  • The difference between ‘winter fat’ and ‘spring rolls’ is the time of year.

  • A little boy was sitting on Santa’s lap when the Jolly Old Elf asked him, “What do you want for Christmas?”

    Without hesitating the boy answered, “A train set!”

    “You know your dad will want to play with it too,” Santa told the child before asking, “Is there anything else you want for Christmas?”

    The little boy thought for a few seconds before announcing, “Another train set.”

  • Syncopation

    We came to her drum beat,
    A noisy syncopated pounding.
    Linen needs changing.

  • Nothing finds grammatical and spelling errors faster than a posting to Facebook.

  • I try not to be too open minded because when I am, my brain leaks out.

  • Social media is going to finish the job Nimrod began.

  • It’s easy being me. But the other voices in my head? Not so much.

  • Tongue Sandwich

    Famished from my lengthy hike across the Moorlands, I was happy to stumble upon the small inn and stop an hour for a bite to eat and a pint of ale. It was my first time backpacking the length of Great Britain and I was eager to enjoy every experience the country had to offer.

    After studying the menu board above the bar, I asked the pretty, little waitress for a tongue sandwich and a Guinness. She smiled without showing her teeth, nodded and disappeared through the side-doors into the kitchen area.

    The barkeeper, a hard-looking older gent with a scruffy white beard, brought me my drink without a word. Shortly afterwards the same petite waitress returned with my order, placing it in front of me.

    Thanking her, I took a bite of my sandwich and decided that aside from it’s unappealing name, a tongue sandwich and a Guinness were a good epicurean match. Then I thought, “Folks sure don’t talk much in these parts.”

  • With enough whiskey even a rhino begins to look like a unicorn.