UPDATE: Samantha has been found safe and is back with her family.

Sparks, Nevada Police need help finding an endangered runaway teenager, who could be considering heading out-of-state. Thirteen-year-old Samantha Jones was last seen at her home on Noreen Drive on Wednesday, December 5th.

“There’s no concern at this time that she was abducted or that she is with anyone involuntarily,” Sparks Police Lt. Tara Bell, told the Reno Gazette Journal, “We just want to see her come home safely.”

Her mother, Coleen Jones echoed the same sentiment in a Facebook posting, “She’s a tiny thing and we simply want her back home.”

If you can help, you’re asked to call the Sparks Police at (775) 353-2231 or Secret Witness at (775) 322-4900.

“Don’t try and make nice with me,” she growled. “I’m mad at you!”

“Should I get your cape?” he asked with a smirk.

“Why would I want a cape?” she returned.

“So you can be ‘Super Mad,’” he answered with a straight a face.

You know its cold out when you trip over a pile of dog poop instead of stepping in it.

Q: What does a mother in a Socialist country say to her child when she sees him tossing a stick for their dog to fetch?

A: “I told you to quit playing with your food!”

There are specific ways to fuck-up a job interview without putting much effort into it and after five-years of fruitless effort at trying to find work, I’m well on my way to mastering each. For this lesson, let’s go down the line in numerical order:

1. Argue with the security guard at the main gate because he refuses to let you onto the job-site, even though all of your paperwork is in order (including a document that states you are a ‘guest,’ that you have an interview at a set time, a confirmation number, a bar-code and a QR code.)
2. Ask what would happen if you decided to proceed without his permission. (They enjoy this question, because they get to explain how they’ll detain you and have you arrested for unlawfully trespassing.)
3. Once you’ve been cleared to enter the job-site, you should find yourself being interviewed for the position by someone other than a human resources employee. (In this case — it should be the Chief-of-Security — because the gate-guard flagged your name.)

It’s as simple as — well, you get the gist.

Some ideas are so good, you have to forget them before you reach the other room.

If you’ve never used toilet paper to blow your nose, you must be in a higher tax bracket than me.

The garage light has burned out, fire detectors are chirping and the water heater is making a strange noise. The house knows it’s Christmas time.

A little word play…

Kinda queer how gay doesn’t really mean happy anymore.