People who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by those who have nothing to say.

Dog’s can’t operate an MRI, but cat’s can. And that’s an altogether different story.

If after a long horseback ride, your butt hurts, your stirrups are too long; your knees hurt, stirrups are too short. But if everything hurts, they’re jus’ right.

There was a time when I didn’t find my shit very interesting.
But now that I’m locked up in this insane asylum, I find it of extreme interest.
No shuttlecock, cards or checkers for me.
Finger painting and pitching practice are my newest hobbies.
And as soon as they remove this jacket, I’ll be getting my shit together.
You can bet your sweet ass on that.
Shhh…here come’s one of the Screws now.

I found my toothbrush on the bathroom floor again. My extra-sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use another toothpaste.

If you sleep with a centerfold, expect to get a paper cut.

‘A way out,’ isn’t a good answer when asked what a person should look for in a relationship.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is the end of the ‘blonde’ joke as we know it.

Mountain wind’s
Blow roughly
Through trees,
Breaking, frozen
Bows, falling,
Losing to
Gravity’s law.
Scattered atop
Snowy abundance.
Bundles gathered.
Kindling nighttime’s
Warming hearth.

Does wanting a Swatch watch constitute a midlife crisis? Asking for a friend.