I asked Alexa, ‘What do women want?’ She hasn’t shut up, yet!

Democrats don’t want the southern border wall built because they know that if they accidentally kick their soccer ball over it, they might not get it back.

If a woman says, ‘do what you want,’ don’t. Don’t move, don’t breathe, don’t blink. In fact, play dead.

Okay.
So, now I know where I stand in the frame of life…
A friend calls me to say ‘good morning,’ but that’s all they can do, because they have to take a shit soooo bad that they have to hang up and hit the stall.
At least I was Number One, before their Number Two.
And as this morning goes, I find I’m flush outta ideas…

Two years ago came the giving up on politics, acknowledging certain human flaws, finding dishonesty and a broken heart, understanding that half want to rewrite the start, and that preferences are not for the rule of law, but rather the dirty tricks, an ugly and temporary fix, exactly where Liberty and Socialism part.

it was Godly freedom
fought for, defending, dying for
outdated parchment

A Martian couple were motoring by the Earth when she looked over and said, “Look, honey, your family.”

He responded, “Yeah, and all of them in-laws.”

Come — be my little play date
We’ll swing high and dance in puddles
Then nap like children

in the morning while we kiss
quiet surrender for an hour
before the single word

My wife wants me to quit drinking, ’cause the more I drink, the more I talk. I smiled at her as said, ‘That’s called pintification.’

OCD is at its worst when tasked with washing all the white clothes, then realizing you’re wearing white underwear.