Remember that sound your father’s belt made as he ripped it from his loops, intent on giving you a whipping? Believe me — not a good time to pants him and run.

Yes, I have a dirty mind and no, you may not wash my brain.

My wife says I’m a terrible person and who knows, she may be right. A friend came over for a visit and while we were sitting at our dining table, drinking coffee, he asked, “Do you have a bathroom?” I smiled, got up and pulled a garden spade from the kitchen drawer where we keep…

Poor Thomas’ Almanac for December 17: In 1903, The Wright Brothers made the first sustained motorized aircraft flight. If someone else flew first, it wouldn’t have been Wright.

Did you hear the one about television? Me neither — I was too busy arguing with everyone on Facebook.

I over heard a mother singing a practical Christmas tune in the grocery store: ‘I’m making a list, chicken and rice…’

“The vast sage desert undulates with almost imperceptible tides like the oceans,” wrote Native American author Frank Waters in 1999. Unfortunately, Nelson Franks had no mind for such quotes, had he even the slightest idea who Waters was. It was a town that didn’t appear on his electronic device, but that didn’t matter to Nelson.…

Poor Thomas’ Almanac for December 16: In 1977, John Travolta shot to fame in the movie, “Saturday Night Fever,” inspiring people to get out and disco. As the Bee-Gee’s say, “You should be dancing, yeah.”

Poor Thomas’s Almanac for December 16: In 1773, the Boston Tea Party occurred. What happened? I don’t know — I wasn’t invited.

UPDATE: Big Red has been recovered. The GoFundMe account is disabled. Thank you for all of your help. About 15-years ago, my 1957 Chevy Apache (which I lovingly named ‘Big Red,’) was stolen. After all that time had lapsed with no word, I never thought I’d see the truck again. Then suddenly I get a…