My Cousin Elmo says, “I just now realized I’ve never had an epiphany.” h/t: Joe Kneer

My Cousin Elmo says, “Ghosts are jus’ people who’ve died trying to fold a fitted sheet.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “Jeffery Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “100 percent of all biting dogs agree that Vegans taste like meat.”

George Papadopoulos of the Conservative Brief always has these incredibly and sometimes misleading headlines for his Twitter posts. For instants, his latest reads, “Hunter’s ex wife is exposing it all.” The first thing I thought, knowing he likes to write ‘grabber’ headlines, was that the ex-Missus Biden was appearing in the pages of Playboy. Nope,…

My Cousin Elmo says, “Only during a hurricane can you buy a shovel, tarp and duct tape, and no one thinks a thing about it.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “So, when a baby crawls across the floor for its bottle, it’s cute, but when I do it, I need an intervention.”

It was a three-day weekend, and my friend had loaned me the use of his cabin for a short holiday retreat. I pulled in by early afternoon and unpacked my truck. Once set up, I poured myself a small glass of Candian whiskey, pulled a chair from the small table by the wall, dragged it…

My Cousin Elmo says, “I’m pretty sure I need only one more bad decision before I have the whole Set.”

Janice was a fan of horror movies and books and even dabbled in ghost hunting from time to time. So when she saw the area rug with the Ouija board design, she knew she had to have one. It became the talk of her many friends, who believed it to be perfect given Janice’s personality.…