You know its cold out when you trip over a pile of dog poop instead of stepping in it.

Q: What does a mother in a Socialist country say to her child when she sees him tossing a stick for their dog to fetch? A: “I told you to quit playing with your food!”

There are specific ways to fuck-up a job interview without putting much effort into it and after five-years of fruitless effort at trying to find work, I’m well on my way to mastering each. For this lesson, let’s go down the line in numerical order: Argue with the security guard at the main gate because he…

Some ideas are so good, you have to forget them before you reach the other room.

If you’ve never used toilet paper to blow your nose, you must be in a higher tax bracket than me.

The garage light has burned out, fire detectors are chirping and the water heater is making a strange noise. The house knows it’s Christmas time.

A little word play… Kinda queer how gay doesn’t really mean happy anymore.

Spent my entire day In my guarded high castle Until it crumbled.

Laughter is at its prime when it suddenly leaks from an orifice.