How to Eff-up a Job Interview in Three Easy Steps

There are specific ways to fuck-up a job interview without putting much effort into it and after five-years of fruitless effort at trying to find work, I’m well on my way to mastering each. For this lesson, let’s go down the line in numerical order:

1. Argue with the security guard at the main gate because he refuses to let you onto the job-site, even though all of your paperwork is in order (including a document that states you are a ‘guest,’ that you have an interview at a set time, a confirmation number, a bar-code and a QR code.)
2. Ask what would happen if you decided to proceed without his permission. (They enjoy this question, because they get to explain how they’ll detain you and have you arrested for unlawfully trespassing.)
3. Once you’ve been cleared to enter the job-site, you should find yourself being interviewed for the position by someone other than a human resources employee. (In this case — it should be the Chief-of-Security — because the gate-guard flagged your name.)

It’s as simple as — well, you get the gist.