Remember: the worst thing you wrote is far better than the best thing you didn’t write.

where all vowels fail consonants find a lacking offer only silence

Due to the increased cost of eating out, the sex position known as 69 is now 96.

A holy crap moment is that instant when you realize you’re the person your mom warned you about.

Jus’ think, your soul mate is out there — somewhere — banging other people.

Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t do spiders. In fact, I’ve been known to run from the tiniest of the eight-legged-freaks and even crawl backwards over sofas and high-backed chairs to escape and evade the little bastards. So during my sister-in-law’s last visit, I heard her shout, “Mary, there’s a lizard under the TV…

A spider crawled across my hand and now I’m using ‘Google’ to figure out how to remove a fork without doing more damage.

Be the tequila, not the lime.

The last few days I’ve seen a good number of posts, both on WordPress and Facebook, about frogs. One of those postings included my own. It’s left me remembering the little iridescent green tree frogs that lived along the creek banks near my home and by the grade school. They were creatures with thin fingers…

Pro tip: If the wife asks about it, the wife already knows about it, so don’t lie about it.