“Sir, we have intel suggesting the enemy is preparing to strike.” “What kind of strike?” “Like nothing we’ve ever seen before.” “Get to the point – what are they planning?” “To strike.” “To strike what? Us?” “No. sir, themselves.” “I thought you said they were going to attack?” “No, sir. I said ‘strike.’” “That make’s…

“Can I touch your hair?” the little boy asked. Taken aback by the request the woman answered, “Sure.” The little boy ran his finger over her upper lip.

Following my last colonoscopy, I asked the doctor to write a note to my wife telling her that my head was not up there.

The old folk in the village spoke of a fabled pill box on the backside of the mountain above their forest home. I told them I planned to explore the other side of their mountain and find it. “It would be best for you to seek your adventure elsewhere,” came each elders’ warning. Finally I…

A Democrat walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “What’s your most popular drink?” “The Russian Collusion.” “Okay, I’ll have one.” The bartender gives the Democrat an empty glass.

The liquor store clerk asked me if I needed help. I told her that I did — but that I decided to come there instead.

It were as if my dog knew, don’t ask me how – he jus’ knew. His knowing at this moment wasn’t going to help me though as I sit in a jail cell waiting to be charged with murder and whatever else they could find to throw at me. Clowns outside of a circus or…

Fatigue; it’s a Marines greatest enemy when on sentry duty. Hendry and I had the assignment; we sat in the farthest listening post from the forward operating base. Half-asleep, I heard Hendry ask in a near panicked tone, “What the fuck’s that, Sarge?” Not known to swear very often, I popped awake at Hendry’s voice…

Her: “Why are you putting the U.S. flag out?” Him: “It a national holiday — Mother’s Day!” Her: “It’s not a national holiday — and I’m still not cooking you breakfast.”