My Cousin Elmo says, “While some women may have a camel toe, a Camel will never pussyfoot.”

She did everything one would do after moving into a haunted Victorian house. Elizabeth Dress smudged all the rooms, sprinkled the window sills and door frames with holy water, and had the local priest bless the home. About a month later, a light knocking came on the front door in the afternoon. When Elizabeth answered…

My wife usually makes the coffee, though she doesn’t drink it. Therefore, I don’t have much to do with the process unless the pot runs dry or batching for a few days. Then she shouted from the kitchen yesterday morning. “Honey, do you know where the coffee filters are?” she asks. “No,” I answer. “Are…

Several weeks ago, I wrote a small piece about the connection between the Mayor of Reno, Nev., and the monies received via smaller organizations connected to George Soros and the Chinese Communist Party, posting it to Facebook. Since then, I have had great difficulty because the hack attacks have been so furious that my computer…

My Cousin Elmo says, “I’m the kind of person that goes to a party — and makes friends with the dog.”

My wife came home yesterday afternoon with a joke she heard at the middle school where she works. “What gets dirty but stays clean?” she smiled. For a moment, she had me stumped, then I answered, “A body in a coffin!” The smile dropped from her lips, and a heavy furrow grew between her eyebrow.…

While visiting my favorite saloon in Virginia City last night, I saw a woman get her nipple pierced in front of me. On a related note, I’m no longer allowed to play darts when intoxicated.

Drunk, the old witch tricked me into getting into the cauldron full of water. It was only then I realize she had lit a fire beneath it and that I needed to escape. But first I thought I’d have something to eat. She caught me after the third mouthful. “Quit (smack, smack, smack) eating (smack,…

It used to be easy-peasy to write an election coverage story for a newspaper. Not no more since election day has become election week. Now reporters must search and research all the projected winners and losers and do it several times to avoid mistakes. All they get from the wire is projection here, projection there,…

Oddness surrounds me. Tuesday, I smiled at a woman as I drove by her while she waited at the bus stop. She picked up a stone from a nearby rock bed and hurled it at me and my truck but missed. Thursday, she waved while offering me a big grin.