Chex Mate

Commentary

Chex claims to be “Full of possibilities. Full of what you love.” And I don’t doubt it. Possibility is a roomy thing, after all. It will hold breakfast, bad ideas, and a surprising amount of criminal ambition without so much as bulging at the seams.

Last week, the Pyramid Lake Police encountered a man driving as if he had personally invented the automobile and considered the roadway a stage built solely for his performance. Stop signs were ornamental, speed limits were theoretical, and common sense had clearly missed the trip altogether. They pulled him over, which is no easy feat when a man believes the laws of motion are for lesser people.

What they found would have disappointed any optimist still clinging to faith in human ingenuity. A box of Chex, bright, wholesome, and advertising nothing more sinister than marshmallows and nostalgia, had been repurposed to conceal 54 grams of suspected methamphetamine. I have seen many clever schemes in my time: fishing lines hidden in hatbands, cats smuggling canaries, and politicians smuggling principles. But a cereal box as a criminal courier is a special kind of foolishness, even by modern standards.

K9 Lando, however, was not impressed. One sniff and the whole enterprise collapsed like a badly built shed in a desert wind. The box told lies. The dog did not. That, at least, was refreshing.

There is a lesson here, if one is looking. Life is full of possibilities. Some nourish you. Some ruin you. And some are hidden in plain sight, inside cheerful packaging meant to distract the unwary.

And it does make a fellow wonder. It is, after all, the same outfit that recently offered law enforcement escorts to help people avoid ICE. One starts to suspect that “Full of possibilities” may also include choosing sides, just not always the ones you expect.