I found my toothbrush on the bathroom floor again. My extra-sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use another toothpaste.

If you sleep with a centerfold, expect to get a paper cut.

‘A way out,’ isn’t a good answer when asked what a person should look for in a relationship.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is the end of the ‘blonde’ joke as we know it.

Mountain wind’s
Blow roughly
Through trees,
Breaking, frozen
Bows, falling,
Losing to
Gravity’s law.
Scattered atop
Snowy abundance.
Bundles gathered.
Kindling nighttime’s
Warming hearth.

Does wanting a Swatch watch constitute a midlife crisis? Asking for a friend.

I asked Alexa, ‘What do women want?’ She hasn’t shut up, yet!

Democrats don’t want the southern border wall built because they know that if they accidentally kick their soccer ball over it, they might not get it back.

If a woman says, ‘do what you want,’ don’t. Don’t move, don’t breathe, don’t blink. In fact, play dead.

Okay.
So, now I know where I stand in the frame of life…
A friend calls me to say ‘good morning,’ but that’s all they can do, because they have to take a shit soooo bad that they have to hang up and hit the stall.
At least I was Number One, before their Number Two.
And as this morning goes, I find I’m flush outta ideas…