If ‘Target’ didn’t want anyone to test out the ‘Nerf’ guns before buying them, they shouldn’t have so many logos in their store.

“It happened again, another time slip. This go-round I think I recognized that it had happened and that I wasn’t my right self – at least not the same self that left home this morning.

First it was the dizziness that left me with double-vision followed by the cold coffee in my cup. I swear I had jus’ filled that sucker up.

Finally, when I got home my dogs acted strange around me, sniffing, whining, tails between their legs. The youngest barked as if he didn’t know me at all.

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m even the same person anymore.”

I’m so glad I was born in France and not a third-world country like California.

‘Taco Bell’ has been voted the best Mexican restaurant in the U.S. — proof as to why we need the electorial college.

“I got me some beautiful breasts last night!”

“You did?”

“Yup. Smeared’em with…

“Smeared’em with what?”

“Well if you’d shut yer pie-hole and let me finish, I’ll tell ya.”

“Sorry, got a little excited – you know how I love chicken!”

“Ain’t what I’m talkin’ ’bout!”

“No?”

“But I love chicken — you know that!”

“Fergit it — talking’ to you is like talking to a brick.”

A hippo can run and swim faster than a human — so bicycling is the only way to beat a hippo in the triathlon.

If I share my food with you, it’s because I love you — or I dropped it on the floor.

Grabbing my day-pack, I hopped in my truck and headed east, then north along the highway. It had been a long winter and I wanted to get out, get free, cut loose for an hour or two before return to my hum-drum life.

After parking, I hiked into the rocky hills and out of sight of all other people. Here I could be me as I found what I was looking for – the old beaten up, weathered and abandoned baby-grand piano.

How the hell it came to be here, I didn’t know, but we held a wonderful afternoon recital anyway.

Since our body’s are 80-percent water, we’re all jus’ cucumbers — with anxieties.

“What are you doing, Dad?”

“Looking for your turtle.”

“By falling in the bushes?”

“I didn’t fall.”

“Yes, you did – I saw you. You lost your balance and fell.”

“Naw, I did it on purpose – hoping to scare your turtle out of hiding and make him run from the bushes.”

“Not only are you bad liar, but turtles can’t really run. Hey! — there’s my turtle!”

“See, Son — I told you. Now help your old man up.”