humor, humor
everywhere
and nothing
worth laughing
about

Anyone finding irony in the fact that Earth Day has to be celebrated indoors this year?

For whatever reason, ‘Top Side’ delivered fifty pizzas to our ‘in-country’ platoon, all pepperoni and cheese. None of that mattered as it was different from the usual c-rats we were used to getting as a nightly fare, three times a day.

All fifty pies disappeared within minutes of being served, save for a single slice, with a single piece of pepperoni on it.

“Who want’s the last slice?” someone bellowed, as he picked it up from the now empty box laying on our stand-up table. The question touched-off a sudden brawl, as several Marines scrambled for the precious ‘back-in-the-world’ morsel.

financial advisers
told him that he
needed to give up
cup of daily latte

due to quarantine
he spent zero dollars
at Starbucks for
month and a half

now he asks where
is that dream house
white picket fence
he was promised

I want to be found essential before my death.

Though I’m not a fan of honey, I’m not allergic to it, nor am I allergic to a bee’s sting, though I was stung more than a hundred times once. But I am allergic to the hive and it’s droning ever on.

The sun wasn’t even up when a huge bang shuddered its way through the house and our dream-time. It was so loud and frightening that the dogs jumped from the bed and raced from the bedroom growling wildly.

I awoke thinking, “What the hell – did a car jus’ drive through our front room or something?!”

Immediately, I scrambled for my britches and a shirt, got dressed and headed out the front door to search for the cause of this massive noise. I quickly found it.

My neighbor had opened the heavy steel door to the extra large garbage bin he’d rented, and it slammed into our fence, which is connected to the corner of our home, causing the bang to echo loudly down the wall.

“Sorry, it was an accident. Didn’t realize how heavy the damned thing was,” he said.

I smiled, “Accidents happen, besides I’ve been promising myself to start getting up early again instead of sleeping in like I have been.”

“Well, again, sorry for waking you,” he said.

“No problemo,” I responded in pseudo-Mexican.

While he works in his backyard, my wife and I are enjoying some of the 70’s and 80’s soft-rock sounds of our childhoods.

Woke up un-sexy, again.

It’s now recommended that we also wear blindfolds to prevent us ourselves from seeing what is really going on.

COVID-19 isn’t Trump’s fault, like Ebola wasn’t Obama’s fault and SARS wasn’t Bushes and only a handful of Herpes cases were Clinton’s fault.