My Cousin Elmo says, “Nancy Pelosi received communion, but it was the wine that she really wanted.”
-
Wah
My son was about four years old when we went on a campout with a group of friends for the weekend. It was a hot summer day, we were on vacation, and someone handed me a cold beer.
He kept asking for a drink, so I gulped the remainder of the can down, went to the water container, and filled the can up. The next time he asked, I gave him the can, where he promptly took a slug.
He screwed his face up and fairly shouted, “Tastes like wah!”
Everyone laughed as he sat down and continued to take sips from the can. In the meantime, I helped myself to a second beer.
In an unguarded moment, he snatched my can of beer from the cup holder built into the chair I was sitting in and took a gulp. The look on his face said it all.
After he stopped gagging, he exclaimed, “That’s shitty!”
At least three of the seven people gathered around the still cold hearth blew beer suds from their noses.
-
A Conversation in Heaven
What are you doing here?
I don’t know.
How long have you known Jesus?
Not long.
What were some of the changes Jesus made in your life?
None that I was aware of.
What do you know about justification by faith?
Nothing, I have no idea what that is.
Can you tell us about imputed righteousness?
I don’t even know what that means.
Well, then, when were you baptized?
Never.
Did you attend church?
No.
What did you do for a living?
I was a thief.
Then, how did you get in here?
(Pointing to Jesus) He said I could. -
Twenty-by-Twenty
Before taking off from Lindbergh Airfield in San Diego, ten Marines hurriedly boarded the commercial aircraft, filling empty seats around me.
“Where are you heading?”
“Camp Lejeune, then to Afghanistan.”
About half an hour into the flight, an announcement came, saying lunch would be available for five dollars.
“You going to buy lunch?” one Marine asked the other.
“No, I’ll wait.”
Looking around, I saw that none were buying lunch, so I walked aft and handed the flight attendant a fifty-dollar bill.
“Please make sure each Marine gets fed.”
Her eyes went wet with tears as she thanked me.
After eating, I went again to the back of the plane to use the restroom, where a man stopped me.
“Here, take this.”
He handed me twenty dollars.
Returning to my seat, the plane’s Captain came down the aisle.
“I want to shake your hand. I was an Air Force pilot, and once, someone bought me lunch, an act of kindness I never forgot.”
I felt embarrassed as passengers applauded.
Later, a passing man reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He secreted another twenty-dollar bill in my palm.
After landing, waiting inside the plane’s door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without a word. Forty bucks!
Inside the terminal, I saw a Marine Sergeant accounting for his nine charges. I walked over and handed him the 80 dollars.
“It’s going be a while before you reach the east coast. Your guys will be hungry before that.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“No need to call me, ‘sir.’ I was enlisted like you.”
“Yeah? What branch?”
“Marine Corps.”
The Old Blog in the Desert 