Paul was thinking of sleep—he had that glazed look in his eyes—and I suppose that is why he finally flicked off the overhead lights at the bar. It was his way of politely telling us to scram, even though he had not officially called “last call.”
Naturally, I muttered a few choice words as I tripped out the back door of the Tahoe House toward my truck parked on B Street. Once in the front seat, I found myself aimlessly cruising around town, making turns down Taylor and then C Street as if something interesting might leap out of the shadows.
I eventually pulled up in front of the Tahoe House, figuring the Washoe Club, a few doors down, might still have life, if not spirits, left in it.
Inside, I ordered a beer before things turned peculiar.
A man grumbled, “Don’t take my picture.”
Now, mind you, I did not have a camera on my person.
Before I could say anything, he added, “And stop eavesdropping!”
Well, that seemed like a cue to relocate. I grabbed my beer and retreated to a table, Wild Bill Hickok-style, keeping an eye on my new fan.
It seemed like the safest course of action. One can never be too careful around folks who accuse you of crimes you never dreamed of committing.
Minutes later, I drained my glass, tipped my hat to the lady behind the bar, and wandered down the boardwalk to the Ponderosa, where karaoke was in full swing. After a couple of brave souls had their moment in the spotlight, Alexia took the stage to belt out “Proud Mary.”
Just as she was hitting her stride, the too-tall stranger came peg-legging up the boardwalk like a man with boots full of lead. Before stepping inside, he bellowed, “And don’t take my picture!”
Rather than explain myself again, I decided discretion was the better part of valor, and I quietly slipped out the side door to my truck. As I climbed in, I heard the unmistakable sound of laughter echoing from the Firehouse Saloon.
Having never been there, it seemed like the perfect moment for a new experience. So, in the spirit of adventure, I unceremoniously jaywalked and stepped inside.
Pete spotted me and slid a beer down the bar—a dangerous habit I had acquired earlier that evening. It was my tenth beer, give or take, but I was no longer counting.
I sat at the far end of the bar, half listening to the conversations and half-watching Full Metal Jacket on the TV, not needing to hear the movie, as the visuals did all the talking.
Not long after the credits rolled, Niles and Bryce, the local fraternal twins, came in. Niles is an archaeologist digging up bones and history, while Bryce has a talent for growing and fermenting grapes while studying water use.
It was not long before the “last call” was announced. This time, I had the sense to leave before Pete turned the lights off.
After closing, the twins and I stood outside, chatting for over an hour about nothing in particular, until Niles and Bryce decided to head to the Ponderosa for karaoke. On the other hand, I had a more urgent desire.
I had to pee like a wild Mustang on a flat desert rock.
Climbing into my truck, it quickly became apparent that I could not make the public restrooms at the north end of town. By the time I had reached this conclusion, I was already rolling south, and that is when I spotted the VFW memorial.
I parked my truck, crossed the street, and hurried down the hill just far enough to be out of sight should any deputies roll by.
As I fumbled to get unbuttoned and relieve myself, a low growl rumbled through the darkness. I had forgotten about the four mountain lions prowling around town.
As that realization hit me, a large feline face emerged from the shadows, its eyes locked on me, and it let out a growl accompanied by a warning lunge. Forgetting why I had come down the hill in the first place, I zipped up faster than a politician changing his position.
I bolted up the hillside, running across C Street, diving into the front seat of my truck, where I finished what I had come to do.
The drive home was long, uncomfortable, and a little embarrassing, but in the grander scheme, it was better than becoming the next mountain lion snack and a headline for the newspaper.