Category: random

If you divide the year 2020 by five, you get 404, an error message, proving there is a glitch in the matrix.

Guess I scared a child today while at the hardware store. The boy, wearing a mask,  was in the cart his mother was pushing when he looked at her and said, “That old man looks weird without a mask.”

Embarrassed, his masked mother shushed the kid and then apologized to me. I smiled and said, “No apology needed, I affect some children that way.”

As she hurried from the paintbrush aisle, I heard the boy ask her, “I thought my mask made my voice invisible?”

I’m still chuckling.

It was a trip to the home improvement store that I didn’t want to make, but had to as I am changing out the light fixtures in our guest bathroom. After spending less than half an hour gathering what I needed, I proceeded to the cash resister.

As I’m standing in line, a properly masked couple came up behind me, maintaining the perfunctory six-feet between us, when I hear hims say, “Hon, please mind your own business.”

She ignores him and proceeds to get my attention by saying, “You should have a mask on. Don’t you watch the news and know what’s going on. There are federal government guidelines…”

I hold up a finger, which brings her comments to a halt, then smile, “I chose not too wear one because they don’t work when it comes to viruses. And like you, I don’t believe everything the federal government tells us.”

“What do you mean, like me?”

“See, those cigarettes in your purse? The Surgeon General, thus the Federal government, has been warning about the hazards of cigarette smoking since 1964 and yet — here we are.”

While I can’t be certain, but judging from the movement of her well-sewn and colorful mask, I think her mouth opened and shut twice as she tried to think of a return. As for me, it was my time to pay as I stepped up to the cashier.

Behind me I heard the man say, “I told you to mind your own business, now didn’t I?”

It was a pink wall, a simple, plain, pink wall. On it a single spot, a dark brown stain from where I was sitting.

As I sat there staring at it, I wanted terribly to get up, go over to it and clean it from the wall. It was such a perfect wall — and it was such a vulgar stain.

Then two men came in the room and checked my restraints. I stared at the that stain, knowing it would be my focal point, and that it was blood-splatter from the last person to sit in this dead man’s chair.

Shhh! Let’s not tell them not to inject disinfectants into their bodies. Let’s give Darwin’s theory a chance to work.

Return to the river,
freedom of a forest,
when but a child.

What we need now
that time long ago
without a social media.

That one time before
we were all grown-up,
forced to become old,
waiting for our death.

What we are now.

Mackenzie listened attentively to her Grandpa Zeb’s scary story, this one complete with shadow puppets. Then, sooner than she liked, it was time for bed where she found it hard to fall asleep.

Abruptly, a small inky figure scurried through her bedroom, along the far wall, illuminated by the full moon’s glow. Mackenzie screamed with all of her might, sending Grandpa Zeb racing to her aid.

“A shadow!” she pointed, terrified, heart in her mouth.

Unable to find anything, Grandpa smiled before he pronounced, “Must be that one of my puppets got out. We’ll look for it in the morning.”

For those whose weddings have been canceled due to COVID-19, God has given you a second chance to reconsider.

All the world has become Las Vegas. Everyone’s losing money, it’s acceptable to drink at all hours and no one has any idea what time of day it is.

The one thing I never thought I would hear somebody say to me, “I like your mask!” I wasn’t wearing one.