About 0330 hours, twenty years ago, extremely drunk and feeling hopeless, I walked out into an open field, placed a 40 caliber revolver in my mouth, said a prayer for forgiveness, took a deep breath, let it out, and squeezed the trigger.
Nothing happened.
A friend had found me and grabbed the gun, placing the web of her right hand between the hammer and the cylinder. Her husband wrestled the weapon away from me.
I survived.
Many men and women are not so fortunate and succeed, ending their lives because the pain is too much to bear. I am neither proud nor ashamed of having tried, but I also realize that there is life beyond the pain and that while the pain may always exist, suicide is absolute and final.
If you have thoughts of suicide or know someone who is contemplating suicide (including mentioning it in passing,) take the comment as serious and seek help. You can call National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or if you are a military veteran and prefer talking to another veteran, dial the Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-8255 and press 1.
There is no shame in asking for help. I have been there, done that, and I know.
The Old Blog in the Desert 
Leave a comment