The Incident at Stool Leg

“Those god-damned Kachina Dolls are at it again,” G.I. Joe stated to the gathering of Green Army Men.

He’d jus’ been updated by the clay-colored Cowboy’s, who’d been out in search of the red-colored Indians. The Indian’s had slipped off the ‘rez’ earlier in the morning, saying they were raiding a cupboard.

However, instead of the cupboards, they’d joined forces with the Kachina Dolls, who’d captured the most popular two in the toy chest as they rode My Little Pony, bareback. Joe knew he had to develop a plan quickly, or risk the loss of the couple and the horse.

Some of the men looked at each other, then one spoke up, “So, the dog’s aren’t around?”

“No,” Joe answered, “Tom locked them outside while he’s busy shoveling off the driveway and sidewalk. This means it’s up to us to take control of the situation and steal back Barbie and Ken.”

“Wonderful,” someone complained, “Another rescue of fairy boy and girlfriend.” They all laughed.

“Okay, knock it off,” Joe commanded, “Settle down. Now here’s the plan…”

Fully briefed, Joe led the men into the hallway and towards the living room. They could hear the singing, the melodic chanting and the tapping of wooden feet on the wood flooring, long before they made it to the back of the leather couch set.

A scout, the Green Army Man with the binoculars to his face, returned with a report: “They have the pair tied to the leg of a stool. They are trying to rub two used toothpicks together to make a fire and burn’em at the stake.”

“Shit! That’s a new one,” Joe said as he scratched the stubble on his chin.

Quickly and quiet, he directed the men into position for the impending attack to save Mattel’s favorite couple. As they waited for their signal, a sudden loud and frightening sound came from behind their position.

Joe turned, only to see the Hulk, in all his menacing dark-green form, running full speed passed his established observation point.

“Ah, son-of-a-bitch!” he he half-shouted, “Who the eff told him about this mission?”

But it was too late, the Hulk leaped into the midst of the Kachina warrior party and began tearing them apart; arms, legs, torsos, heads and ornamental feathering flying in all directions. Soon, none were left standing and the Hulk returned, carrying Ken over one shoulder and Barbie over the other.

“Private Hulk, reporting, Mr. Joe,” he saluted, as he dropped the couple unceremoniously to the floor and with a thud.

Joe returned the salute, “Who the hell told you about this?”

“Hulk over hear.”

“Oh.”

“You remember Mr. Joe, Hulk Green Army Man, too.”

Joe waited for the over-muscled, under-brained bruiser to turn away, before shaking his head and rolling his eyes. Then together, the hodge-podge expedition gathered and quickly returned in an orderly fashion down the hallway.

Once they were where they belonged, one of the Army men asked, “So, what about the mess the Hulk left behind?

“Don’t worry ’bout it,” Joe snickered, “The cat’s still in the house – he’ll get the blame.”