The Old Blog in the Desert

Someway, somehow, somewhere, I got lost
There is no telling if I can ever get back
It may remain a mystery at an unimaginable cost
With no support, it is hope that I do lack.

Move forward with life, it’s said,
But move forward to what or where?
From sleeping double in our marriage bed
To camper trailer with little room to spare.

With my wife, I could have lived anyplace.
However, our home is no more by her choice.
It is for me, no more than a storage place
Bitter parting, separation with no voice.

Standing undecided, the crossroads of my life
Do I turn, believe all that I have known,
My happiness, my faith, and my absent wife
A question that leaves me as cold as stone.

She says she loves him,
A future bright, gone dim.
Now she can’t live with him.
Lost lovers at another’s whim.

Is it his fault or was it hers?
The division line now blurs
Two restless hearts stir
As one, while breaking occurs.

No one can be blamed, no one should,
Yet he’d shoulder the burden if he could
Just to have her back if she would
Take him, he wants that understood.

She can’t live with him at all.
Lost lovers take the final fall,
Things are never the same, clear as crystal
When there’s no communication at all.

He walks silently from room to room,
Knocking about with nowhere to go.
She doesn’t love him, he can only assume.
No longer speaking, he can’t really know.

Stocked by ghosts of the past, future on hold,
Hunting the possible what-might-have-been,
His shadow falls flat on the floor, cold,
Chilled by the spirit of his latest sin.

Quiet time brings emotional meditation —
Tumbling, spilling outward, uncontrolled,
Without a meaningful line of direction.
Nothing in life to which to cling or hold.

These things must be preordained.
Recorded in the great book, the one of all time.
Mind-breaking and soul-numbing pain.
Loss of love, the meaning too sublime.

the cry in her voice, flowing tears
said, ‘take her hand, simple fool.
help her alleviate her hidden fears
try to warm he heart, left cool.’

her voice recoiled at the slightest touch
yet no retraction of the body to withdraw
he wonders, ‘does she love him much?’
the nerve of the heart-string is obviously raw.

what is it, he wants from this woman?
love, life, happiness, or her permission?
a nod, a glance, a gesture, the can?
he knows it’s more than a premonition.

so cross the river of tears that stream
she cries, he cries, too much, too late
it is the ending of their blessed dream.
let go, let God, as He knows their fate.

So where does this tough-as-nails
Cowboy stand? Lost in mornings pale,
Toeing earth with worn boot leather
Thinking of love lost, lost now and forever.

‘She doesn’t love him anymore,’ they say.
So he does what he can from day to day,
Trying to forget, forgive, generally cope,
Falling for despair, a strong lack of hope.

Ride a twisted dust devil to nowhere
For there’s no crime, punishment unfair.
Mind clouded in dirt, sand, and debris
Nowhere and nowhere, it’s plain to see.

Complications of living that make life
a cause and effect, calmness and strife.
So where doe the Cowboy stand, he asked,
‘False and naked, completely unmasked.’

God will not listen
To the heart that has hardened,
That shuns the dew drop glisten
Where love lies at its end.

There is very little for me,
My chance is all gone.
An echo of my plea
Fades like dawn.

‘Jus’ leave me alone!’
That’s what she cried.
And I stifle a moan
As tears open wide.

Abandoned is what I feel
Then, what does she have?
As unfaithfulness will seal
A wound and no salve.

Sometimes a path leads away
From your journey of the day.
A trail cut through like that,
And by the time you realize where you’re at
You find that you’re lost.
This comes with a terrible cost.

That is what it is like now.
Cannot answer exactly why, how
A heart seems to go astray.
God-given vows jus’ go away.
Life suddenly becomes too rough
When love ain’t enough.