• After falling down the stairs again, I’ve decided to take a positive approach to the situation. Once my wife finds me, I’m gonna say, “You should see how fast I can move!”

  • I look best when viewed through a cup of coffee.

  • Winning One for the Kip

    A day before Kip Addotta passed away at 75, I was listening to his 1991 song “Wet Dream,” which I first heard on the Dr. Demento Show. It brought the memory of the late Spring day in seventh grade, when Sister Phyllis asked me to write something for submission to the school newspaper:

    Starvation Diet

    Now the world,
    Being Hungary,
    Plucked Turkey,
    Boiled in Greece,
    With bits of Wales
    And a lot of Chile,
    Served it on China
    And everyone ate!

    Because it was considered too non-nonsensical, it wasn’t used. It’s languished in my pile of papers for nearly 46 years, until now.

  • So often we read, ‘Live to Write and Write to Live.’ How about we simply live right?

  • The New ‘3 R’s’ of Common Core: Russia, racism and recession.

  • The difference between pot heads and politicians? Pot heads inhale. Politicians suck.

  • Pee Chee Blue

    Knowing that graduating from high school would be a watershed moment in life, I squirreled away items certain I’d be able to look back on with a sense of nostalgia. Many of these hold major importance like track medals, athletic letters, annuals, my class ring, etc.

    Others seem less significant, but are jus’ as important like a pencil sold by the cheer squad and a candy wrapper from a chocolate bar bought as a band fund raiser. I also put away some Pee Chee folders, not realizing that one day students would be unable to buy these at the local five-and-dime or even a Walmart.

    Why I bring this up and in all honesty, I don’t recall any Pee Chee folder having blue in its design. And I’m certain I would remember this, as not only were my grade school’s colors blue and gold, so were my high school’s colors.

    Am I living another Mandela Effect or am I remembering wrong?

     

  • Go ahead, dance like no one’s watching, because they aren’t. Everyone’s looking at their cellphones.

  • Beckoning Hills

    If it is true what the movie,
    ‘The Sound of Music,’
    claims when the song sung says
    the ‘hills are alive with music,’
    then those crowning my Nevada
    desert life hum with strains of
    ‘The Ride of the Valkyries,’
    drawing me in, only to plead
    their truest existence through the
    acapellic mourning of ‘Cool Water.’

  • No wonder I’m so screwed up. My ancestory includes Vikings and Leprechauns.