Tom Hanks and his wife Rita are quarantined in Australia after testing positive for the Coronavirus, meaning he’s actually stuck on a real island with a real Wilson.

Due to extreme ‘panic buying,’ Walmart has opened Checkout Stand #3.

The toilet paper crisis proves that we have more assholes in the world than we thought.

Back in my day the only time we went into ‘panic buying’ mode is when the bartender yell, ‘last call.’

Jus’ think, one day you’ll be able to tell your grand-kid’s about how you survived the “Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020.”

Jesus: “Do not worry about anything.”
Man: “Should I worry about the Coronavirus?”
Jesus: “I’ll speak a little slower this time…”

https://soundcloud.com/sierra-tom-darby/in-20200311

“So where in Hades have you been?” Nicholas Gorbet said, “Thought you was gonna help me with the calving?”

“What do you mean by that?” Brady returned, “I jus’ saw you a couple of days ago.”

“Must have hit your head if you think it’s been only two days. I last talked with you two weeks ago!”

Brady didn’t reply. He was too busy thinking.

“Maybe I did,” he finally said, “Hit my head – I mean.”

“Any way,” the old man continued, “You want to stay for supper? The missus’ll be happy to see you.”

“Yeah,” Brady answered, “Sure.”

“Say,” Gorbet stated, “You don’t look so well. You alright?”

“Nothing a good meal and fine company won’t cure,” Brady smiled.

After eating and helping with the dishes, Brady sat with Gorbet outside on the porch, watching the setting sun. Brady was quieter than usual.

“Think you ought to stay the night,” Gorbet suggested, “Get some sleep and another meal under your belt before you head back to Beowawe. ‘Sides, looks like you got something heavy on your mind and the rest’ll do you good.”

“I’ll take you up on your offer,” Brady replied, “Thanks, Nick.”

Later, as Brady lay in the loft of the barn, half-asleep, he heard that familiar voice — and this time it was softly singing his name.

Parents are afraid to discipline their kids anymore, meanwhile I can still recall my mom slapping the ‘factory reset’ outta me for acting up.

It’s gonna be a weird week starting with a time change, followed by a full moon and ending with a Friday the 13th. And we’ll all be doing it without toilet paper and hand-sanitizer.  So may the force be with us.

To the person who stole my anti-depressants, I hope you’re happy!