My Cousin Elmo says, “I’ve been banned from social media because I don’t want to worship ‘Saint Floyd of Fentanyl.’”

My Cousin Elmo says, “A big nose is no excuse for not wearing a mask. After all, I still wear underwear every day.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “Jus’ had my first shot. Gonna have a second as soon as the cocktail server comes back.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “I never realized how long a minute was until I started exercising.”

It has been at least twenty years since I have read “Riders of the Purple Sage,” by Zane Grey. It is a great book, full of adventure, and fills one’s head with all sorts of imaginings and pictures.

One thing the book is not – sexual. I hate seeing reviews where the person pulls a word like ‘undulate,’ and turns it in some creepy term with sex-ridden overtones. My opinion is that the person doing the reviewing ain’t been laid in a while, so everything they see, touch, smell, or hear is all about the sex they ain’t getting.

Opinion aside, purple sage is a real thing. I bring this up because, with the first drizzle of spring rains in the high deserts of Nevada, the sage is blooming.

Usually, a dull brown with very little going for it in color throughout the year, sage is generally only good as shade for the rabbit and the snake. And once lit ablaze, it burns quickly, giving off a thick creosote smoke.

My favorite is the naturally occurring wild variety, with its thicker stock and branches, rather than the domesticated sage, which is whispy and thin. With its blooming comes the annual sneeze-fest with the accompanying runny nose, watering eyes, and scratchy throat.

But if you’re fortunate enough to go where the plant grows free, you’ll see acres, upon miles of purple sage clear to the far horizon. It is akin to an ocean of azure, only this sea is an undulating purple.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

budding aspen tree
is not very interested
in birds in its branches

My Cousin Elmo says, “If I want the opinion of someone who chases a ball for a living like LeBron James, I’ll ask my dog.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “So if I wear two pairs of swim trunks, I can pee in the pool all summer, right?”

My Cousin Elmo says, “They said all I needed was to wear a mask to enter the store. They lied. Everyone else had clothing on.”

On March 22, I posted a fiction story called “Consent,” about the US Postal Services app, “Informed Delivery,” spying on a person. Now, this has come to light, as reported by Yahoo News.

The US Postal Service is tracking social media posts as part of a secret program searching for “inflammatory” messages. The program, known as the Internet Covert Operations Program (iCOP) had not been made public and involves analysts combing through social media sites looking for “inflammatory” postings and then sharing those posts with government agencies.

ICOP specifically tracks protests across the country. A March 16 government bulletin, marked as “law enforcement sensitive,” shows that “analysts with the United States Postal Inspection Service (USPIS) Internet Covert Operations Program (iCOP) monitored significant activity regarding planned protests occurring internationally and domestically on March 20, 2021.”

“iCOP analysts are currently monitoring these social media channels for any potential threats stemming from the scheduled protests and will disseminate intelligence updates as needed,” the bulletin says.

So much for fiction and freedom.