• My Cousin Elmo says, “Not too long ago nearly everyone was wearing a mask because of COVID, now if seen wearing a mask, you’re a Proud Boy says to the media.”

  • Thirty-nine Hours

    It began Thursday morning and came to a close this morning. What was supposed to be a simple news assignment turned into a several-hour event, throwing everything else off track.

    “Can you cover the Nevada Women’s Foundation this morning? Shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours.”

    “Yes, if you can start the printer.”

    “Will do and thank you.”

    By three p.m., I knew I was way behind, and even with CC printing underway, I was still in for a long night. At the shop, I discovered the printer had jammed at five out of 415 papers scheduled for production.

    After seven more jams, I finally got the printer kicking out newspapers. Then it stopped for no reason, so I called the boss.

    As she told me there was nothing to do other than go home, the damned thing started printing again. A few dozen more prints rolled off the press when it stopped again.

    This time, I waited thirty minutes before making the call.

    “Turn it on and turn it off. See if that gets it going.”

    I did, and it did.

    But after a few copies of the CC, it began spitting out the DVD. I tried to get it to switch back, but it refused.

    It would shut off and on for the next several hours.

    Finally, I completed the needed 160 copies of the DVD. It was after 3 a.m., and I left a text message asking the boss to print the last 200 copies of the CC that I still needed.

    Next, I hauled ass down the hill to the radio station. After fixing myself a STRONG cup of coffee, I did my show prep before my 6 a.m. air time.

    After finishing my shift, I rushed back up the hill to learn the CC was still not done because the printer was still misbehaving. By noon, everything was ready to go. It took me nearly four hours to finish my route.

    Once home, I visited for a couple of hours with my wife before she had to leave as she was house-sitting for a friend. When she closed the front door at 7 p.m., I was relaxing in our over-stuffed chair, ottoman under foot, with Buddy-dog by my side.

    I awoke this morning, having slept 15 hours where I lounged.

  • My Cousin Elmo says, “Nancy Pelosi received communion, but it was the wine that she really wanted.”

  • Wah

    My son was about four years old when we went on a campout with a group of friends for the weekend. It was a hot summer day, we were on vacation, and someone handed me a cold beer.

    He kept asking for a drink, so I gulped the remainder of the can down, went to the water container, and filled the can up. The next time he asked, I gave him the can, where he promptly took a slug.

    He screwed his face up and fairly shouted, “Tastes like wah!”

    Everyone laughed as he sat down and continued to take sips from the can. In the meantime, I helped myself to a second beer.

    In an unguarded moment, he snatched my can of beer from the cup holder built into the chair I was sitting in and took a gulp. The look on his face said it all.

    After he stopped gagging, he exclaimed, “That’s shitty!”

    At least three of the seven people gathered around the still cold hearth blew beer suds from their noses.

  • My Cousin Elmo says, “The Egyptian pyramids were built before Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity.”

  • A Conversation in Heaven

    What are you doing here?
    I don’t know.
    How long have you known Jesus?
    Not long.
    What were some of the changes Jesus made in your life?
    None that I was aware of.
    What do you know about justification by faith?
    Nothing, I have no idea what that is.
    Can you tell us about imputed righteousness?
    I don’t even know what that means.
    Well, then, when were you baptized?
    Never.
    Did you attend church?
    No.
    What did you do for a living?
    I was a thief.
    Then, how did you get in here?
    (Pointing to Jesus) He said I could.

  • My Cousin Elmo says, “My wife claims I made her laugh so hard that tears rolled down her leg.”

  • That Noise

    hidden cicada
    sings a singular love song
    summer day romance

  • Bump

    thunderstorm rages
    lightening flashes, deep rumble
    turn off computer

  • My Cousin Elmo says, “Due to inflation, dirty deeds will no longer be done dirt cheap. Sorry for the inconvenience.”