Category: random

  • Anagrammed

    “Hey, Dad – how did my sister Teresa, get her name?”

    “Because your mom loves Easter.”

    “I don’t get it.”

    “It’s an anagram.”

    “What’s that?”

    “It’s where you create a word, or a name or sentence using the letters of another word or name.”

    “How does it work?”

    “For instance ‘silent’ can be rearranged into the word, ‘listen,’ or Clint Eastwood’s name can be rearranged into: ‘Old West Action,’ — but remember, you have to use all the letters.”

    “Oh, kind of like a secret code or something.”

    “Yeah, you could say that, son.”

    “That’s so cool. Thanks, Dad.”

    “You’re welcome, Alan.”

  • So, according to the Mandela Effect, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for His disciples to find and then turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?

  • Newspaper

    Pulp paper and ink.
    Like the fresh salmon caught, wrapped
    In decaying words.

    Fit for bird-cage floor.
    Once called history’s rough draft,
    Newspaper is dead.

  • Frankenstein, Reimagined

    They gathered round the windmill, pitchforks and torches filled their violent hands. There was a palpable feeling of fear to the fog and smoke-filled air as they shouted their demands.

    “Send him out!”

    “We know he’s in there!”

    “If you don’t, we’ll burn you out!”

    Their words had fallen on deaf ears. Not once did anybody answer them.

    Soon someone began splashing kerosene on the single door leading into the building. That was quickly followed by a fiery torch.

    Not one of the villagers dared to imagine that Dr. Victor Frankenstein had taught his monster how to use the Swivel-gun.

  • It’s clear to see that in 2020, we’re gonna have lots of puns and jokes about ‘vision.’

  • Sex: Work or Play

    A a newly married man wonders if having sex on Good Friday is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. He asks a priest for his opinion on this question.

    The priest says after consulting the Bible, “My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on Good Friday.”

    “The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?””

    He goes to minister…a married man…for the answer and receives the same reply. “Sex is work and not for Good Friday!”

    Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question and states, “My son — sex is definitely play.”

    The man replies, “But Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”

    The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work — my wife would have the maid do it.”

  • Don’t worry, the Mueller Report is available as a coloring book for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

  • The Runaway

    Our lab bolted under the garage door as it opened. In seconds he was heading his usual direction of west, up the street.

    “Shit,” I complain, “Forgot to put the dog-door down.”

    He and I have had this interaction before. He escapes, I chase and each time I chastise him, explaining why he should not run away or cross the busy street and every time he fails to listen.

    So once again, I find myself walking in the direction he ran, calling, “Here Yaeger!”

    Damned dog! One day I’m simply gonna pack his bags and set them at the curb.

  • You never know what I might have up my sleeve. For example — today it was a dryer-sheet.