Category: random

My Cousin Elmo says, “Have a ‘good day’ sounds so friendly, but saying ‘enjoy the next 24 hours’ seems threatening.”

My Cousin Elmo says, “You know it’s cold out when you step in dog shit and roll your ankle.”

People keep sending me bit-and-pieces of information to put together like a jigsaw puzzle, and while a bunch of it is official-looking documents, it’s the photographs that best explain what seems to be happening in our nation’s capital.

Note the officer between the two groups. My assertion is that the one attending the Biden/Harris party is not an officer, and may not be military at all. Then there is the tale of the two planes which are very different from one another and that in fact, the one on the bottom does not have to Presidential seal on the fuselage, though the seal can be seen in the galley doorway.

These two photos are interior shots of the oval office. In the first, note the off-angle set of the ‘secret doorway,’ and in the other, how the corner of the walls have become separated.

Lastly, a photograph of the WH Press room which has buildings outside its windows that should not be there, and then the difference between the Oval Offices, with the top one showing a parking lot outside the window, while the lower one is filled with trees.

Now I am not one for conspiracy theories, but damn, this a lot of inconsistency, and I cannot make out what is going on in Washington D.C. As an aside, the White House has been dark for days, meaning no outside lights and very few lights inside, especially in the residential area of the building, and the National Guard continues to surround the building, though one cannot tell what it is they are protecting it for or from.

Finally, when I go looking for information on this – ALL my searches contain the same two sentences: “Didn’t find what you’re looking for? We’re temporarily hiding some results for this search query.”

They had found the cave while foraging. It was tucked in the crags of a high cliff wall, accessible only by climbing.

That was 1,115-years ago, and they made it their home. They decorated it with charcoal drawings and colored them using the natural flora found in the lower basin.

Over time, the tribe grew, eventually melding with other nearby tribes until nothing but the crude drawings on the cave walls, a burn pit, and few pottery shards were left. Even the dust forgot that people had once lived there.

Then in the year 3136, archaeologists stumbled onto the antediluvian dwelling.

My wife is mad at me because I cannot control my tongue when it comes to bad drivers, and by saying ‘bad,’ I mean STUPID.

Here is the situation: it’s a four-lane roadway, the speed limit is 55 miles-per-hour, and in the slow lane is a dually pick up truck doing only 50 mph, and you are behind him, left turn signal blinking on-and-off, and the drivers in the lane next to you are passing you one at a time, and no one is letting you in so you can pass this fucking idiot — I mean this dually driver.

You finally get around that particular driver, only to have a 1975 Datsun pull slowly into your lane. You were going 55 mph, and they were at a stop sign when they drove into your lane. Mind you — you were only a couple of hundred feet from the stop.

What do you do?

In my case, I stepped hard on the brake, looked for an escape route around the piss-ass – I mean the Datsun truck and driver — then downshifted, blowing by him on his right where there is no roadway, only gravel. Happy to have avoided a crash, I stepped on the gas, but because I’m still in second-gear, I wound out the engine, making it sound like a jet taking off.

That’s when my wife, bless her heart, says, “You’re in the wrong gear. I think I can drive better than you.”

Yup — that’s exactly where Zippy lost his shit.

Mental health is such a tricky thing and after watching two disturbing videos yesterday, I lost control of mine.

The first video, about Anne Frank who hid from the Nazis in a secret room with her family for over two years. The other, about Elisa Lam who in 2013 disappeared and was later found drowned in the water tank of a Los Angeles hotel.

Here’s where my mind slipped: I decided that because I feel isolated like Anne, am manic-depressive like Elisa, I had to create a new ‘isolation’ diary, like Anne and it had to be online, like Elisa’s. Crazy, I know.

Later, in the evening it dawned on me that I should’ve known I was in trouble. That morning, I did what many with our disorder do: I enjoyed some online impulse shopping, spending money I didn’t have. Once back in my right mind, I returned everything and got most of what I spent back, but by then the damage was already done.

Anyway, about fifteen minutes after creating my new ‘online diary,’ I came to my senses, asking, “What in the fuck am I doing?”

It was as if I had suddenly awakened. I immediately deleted the damn thing, knowing I already had one that I could use.

He lost nearly everyone, some to the virus, others to the vaccine. Now, Travis was forcibly removed from his house to a government relocation camp.

Quickly, Travis figured out how to escape the compound. He immediately disappeared into the mountainous terrain of the high desert.

Soon he regretted his decision as starvation had taken hold of his body.

It was mid-winter and very little food available for the wildlife, let alone for a foraging human. Finished, Travis sat down in the snow and awaited death to overtake him.

In the freeze of early morning, Travis finally saw his Black Horse.

Mom loved her pulp mags. We always had four or five issues on the coffee and side tables next to our couch.

One article I read when I was 11 was about Sister Aimee McPherson, an evangelist and founder of the Four Square Church. The story horrified me because, as I remember it, she burned to death after refusing to abandon her church tent when it caught on fire.

Fifty-years later, and I can’t find that version anywhere. The story now is that she was believed to have drowned only to reappear in the desert claiming she was kidnapped.

Mandela’d again.

It wasn’t until they had both cleared the town and were in an open field that it came to his mind that he might be chasing a shadow, so he stopped as the hooded man continued. No longer being pursued, the hooded man stopped and looked back, lowered his hood, revealing himself to be a woman.

Still not sure if the person was real or fake, he stepped forward. Without warning, she raised her gun and fired.

He lay on the damp earth, feeling her soft fingers pushing his hair lightly from his eyes and gently caressed his dying cheek.

Time trouble comes from not fully understanding how our perception can be distorted. For instance:

• Marilyn Monroe and Queen Elizabeth of England were born in 1926, and yet we think of one as an old woman and the other, a sex symbol.
• Anne Frank and Rev. Martin Luther King were each born in 1929, making them younger than the Queen of England.
• Thomas Jefferson died when Harriet Tubman was four years old, and Ronald Reagan was two years old when she passed away.
• “The Lion King,” “Forrest Gump,” and “Jurassic Park,” movies all released in October 1994, are now closer in time to the Apollo Moon Landing of July 1969 than they are to February 8, 2021.
• Charlie Chaplin, a star of the silent film era, lived long enough to see the original “Star Wars,” considered to be a computer graphic imagery masterpiece.
• And even if he were still alive, born in 1935, Elvis Presley is younger than William Shatner, who was born in 1931.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t help wonder what my parents did with their time since neither had a television growing up. But then at one point in my life, I didn’t have the Internet or a smartphone, and now I find myself wondering what I did with my time.

Finally, my son, at 28, has never known a world without television or the Internet. I wonder if he ever thinks what it must have been like for Dad to have grown up in the “good old days.”