Category: random

Karl had a severe disability. He had been born with a head on his neck.

His condition left the doctors amazed. They were further surprised by Karl’s survival as his head grew large, more round, and he had to be placed in special classes to help him learn to navigate a headless society.

Once Karl became an adult, he could feel the looks, stares, and repulsion his head had on his neighbors and strangers alike. He was ashamed and wished he could be exactly like them.

Then one day, Karl discovered the answer to his disability by building a guillotine.

My Cousin Elmo says, “I think I’m gonna change my name to Les White.”

They called him a nut-job and that what he was saying was nothing more than a conspiracy theory. So they canceled him on social media.

It only made him laugh. He had read the news stories, and he understood the game.

The space agency had claimed that a large asteroid was hurtling towards Earth and that it would “knock out all U.S. satellites.”

“On Friday night, the asteroid 99942 Apophis (named after the Ancient Egyptian demon serpent god of chaos) came within 10.4 million miles of Earth.” read the news article. “While that’s a comfortable distance away, scientists say it’s going to get within 19,800 miles of the planet the next time it comes around in 2029. That’s the distance between the Earth and the Moon, and it’s close enough to potentially collide with high-altitude U.S. communications satellites.”

Seven-and-a-half years later, he couldn’t help but call attention to the idea that it wouldn’t destroy satellites from other nations.

“It’s only the U.S. that’ll lose the Internet,” he said. “And it’s not an asteroid that’ll do it, it’s the government.”

They called him a nut-job and a conspiracy theorist, but then they were canceled too, so it no longer mattered. He laughed when it happened.

It came down like a bright ball of fire, then disappeared into the depth of the dark night. It was a few minutes later that a heavy thud shook our house.

Not yet 10 years old, I remember that April night in 1961 like it happened yesterday, and it still makes me sick to my stomach. Only now that Mom has passed can I begin to unburden myself and tell what happened during those three days.

After the house shook, Dad grabbed his shotgun and headed out to have a look. By this time, I was sent to bed, so I wouldn’t be in the way.

Then I heard the shotgun blasts. Curious, I got up and sat at the top of the stairs, listening and watching.

Soon Dad came rushing in. He was sweaty, pale, and in a panic, shouting at Mom to grab some towels and that he’d shot a man.

Mom did as she was told. She came in the house another couple of times to get first aid supplies before disappearing outside.

How long it was between the time I watched Dad rush out of the house with Mom in tow, I’m not sure. Soon I heard them on the front porch, where it sounded as if they were struggling to carry something heavy.

Scared, I retreated to my bed and remained there until morning. That’s when I learned the extent of what had happened.

Dad had shot a spaceman, and the ball of light we’d seen and the shaking of the house had been his spaceship coming to Earth. I could hardly believe that men-from-Mars were real.

It took another day before I caught a glimpse of this spaceman. He didn’t look like the monsters my comic books had made them out to be.

He looked so human though he spoke words I had never heard before. I thought that perhaps it was Martian or something.

I also saw his orange space suit, covered in blood, while Mom was trying to clean it in the kitchen sink. When she saw me, she shooed me away.

That night, I sneaked into the bedroom where the spaceman lay. He was dead by this time, and Mom and Dad were trying to figure out what to do with his body and were fearful that there would be an attempt to rescue him.

Though the lights were out, I could tell he had been shot and that he had died from those wounds. I couldn’t understand why his blood was red and not green like I had been lead to believe.

The next morning I watched as Dad carried the sheet-wrapped body from the house to his backhoe. Mom helped him load it on the machine and then stood crying as Dad drove into the wheat field where the spaceship had come down.

From my bedroom window, I watched as Dad placed the spaceman’s body in the ship, then push both into the hole he’d dug, before he buried them. I marked that spot in my memory after being warned to never say a thing about what had happened.

Three days after the spaceship and the spaceman’s unceremonious burial, I was in the hallway between the living room and stairs when I saw the news. I was not supposed to be there as I had been forbidden to watch it since the ship crashed on our farm.

Though he was in black and white, I knew the man receiving a handshake from the Soviet Premier. I had seen him, listened as he died, and watched as he was buried in the wheat field in front of our house.

“Who is Yuri Gagarin?” I asked without thinking.

“Order up!” LeRoy the cook shouted.

Molly rushed over and grabbed the plates filled with food.

They were very busy, so busy that the coffee shop owner, Pete had to pitch in that morning. He usually stayed in his office, out of the way, only acting as an umpire in a baseball game between LeRoy and Molly.

“He is the best short-order cook around,” Pete told himself every time trouble erupted.

The owner liked Molly. She was quirky in many ways but always level-headed and she did her best to keep LeRoy in line.

“Wish I had an extra hand,” LeRoy complained as he cooked five orders at once.

“Would a prehensile tail work?” Molly asked.

“Sure,” LeRoy smiled, “As long as it can butter toast and flip burgers.”

Molly broke in a sing-song voice, whirling a butter knife like a wand in his direction saying:

“While you slumber,
You will grow a tail,
And all this summer,
You will use it without fail,
As all memory leaves you,
And the boss, Peter, too.”

LeRoy twisted to his right and saw there was nothing there and laughed, “A tail, my ass.”

The following day, in a panic, LeRoy came to the coffee shop early. Only Pete was there.

“Look! She gave me a tail.”

“Who gave you a tail?”

“Molly!”

“Who is Molly?”

“The waitress.”

“I think your cheese has slid off your cracker, LeRoy.”

“She was here yesterday.”

“We were closed yesterday.”

With the thought of Molly fading, LeRoy put on his apron and started setting his kitchen up for the morning rush. And as promised, his prehensile tail could butter toast and flip burgers, and it came in mighty handy when it came to scratching his itchy nose.

As for Molly, she took the summer off and vacationed in the Virgin Islands. Come winter, she returned and incanted the return of her job.

My Cousin Elmo says, “It’s alright dishes, no ones doing me either.”

The sniper laid in the sand, waiting. His spotter laid nearby, binoculars trained on the target three-quarters of a mile to their southeast.

It had taken them days to work themselves this close to the target, a younger man with a beard and horned-rimmed glasses. The pair had infiltrated the enemy’s territory, and should all go as planned, they would be another several days ex-filtrating the area.

“Wind west at five, drop half-a-degree,” said the spotter.

The sniper blew air out his nose, holding his breath and feeling his heartbeat. He squeezed the trigger between beats.

“Canceled,” the sniper said.

faces all over
and where they should not be
you see my crazy

My Cousin Elmo says, “Now that Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head no longer exist, will we still be able to get Tater Tots?”

Faces, I see them everywhere,
Even when they are not there.
The floors are filled with them,
The walls are covered in faces.

The dog’s face presents to me
As does cat, cows, and crows
People walking by with faces
But no one looks for my face

My face, it does not matter
Perhaps I am their flooring
Maybe I am the rough wall
Could it be – I do not exist?

No, that cannot be that at all.
Faces, I see them everywhere,
Even when they are not there,
Including your more than one.