Category: random

  • A Properly Poured Pilzner

    It was nearing shift change at the Union Saloon, and Cee-Cee, Jim, and I were reviewing an article, “When Your Bartender Can’t Pour a Pilzner Properly.” Never having worked behind a bar, I had no idea there were rules one had to follow when serving a beer.

    Jim and Cee-Cee were getting quite the hoot for the story. Soon Junior, Cee-Cee’s replacement for the night, joined in the laughter as Jim read aloud.

    I only laughed because their laughter was so infectious.

    Once Jim finished the article, and he and Cee-Cee, and Junior had stopped laughing, I had a sudden thought.

    “You know,” I said, “The one thing they didn’t say in that list was drinking it.”

    All three began laughing again. I couldn’t see what was so funny, and none of the trio would explain.

  • Eight

    It was the day before her birthday, and Mary was getting dressed.

    “I wish I were eight again,” I heard her say.

    And thus, an idea was hatched in my brain. The following day, I got up early and made pancakes for her in the shape of puppy dogs, then we went to the local park where we played on the swings, followed by a movie, before ending her special day with a happy meal and soft cone ice cream. By day end, I believed I had done good.

    Once home, she stretched out on the couch and smiled, “Thank you for the fun day. It was a wonderful surprise. But, if you don’t mind me asking, what brought all this on?”

    “I heard what you said yesterday morning when you were getting dressed,” I answered.

    Mary laughed.

    “Whats so funny?” I asked.

    “I was talking about my pant size,” Mary answered.

  • Sage Smoke and the Demon

    A female friend in the Virginia City area called because she created a problem for herself.

    To hear her tell it, she used crystals and sage smoke to clear what she called a demon from her apartment. After placing the crystals in different rooms, she poured a thin line of salt across the window jams and the front doorstep.

    Next, she took an abalone shell purchased somewhere on C Street and put the bundled sage in it. Then she lit it and walked from room to room, offering its smokey essence.

    When the smoke became too much, she set it in her kitchen sink and went out for fresh air. Minutes later, she tried to enter her home but couldn’t.

    “I think it worked too well,” I said.

    “Meaning?” she asked.

    “You’re blocked from your home.”

    “But I was trying to get rid of…”

    Silence.

    “Shit! What should I do?”

    “Go talk to Buffalo Mike or Crystalle at the Silverland to see if they can reverse it for you.”

    “What if they can’t?”

    “Go to St. Mary’s Church and get right with God.”

    “That’ll kill me.”

    “And so will tonight’s freezing temperatures.”

    “Damn it. I should have talked to you beforehand.”

    “Why?” I asked.

    “You would’ve told me I was the demon.”

    While we laughed at the time about it, as of now, I have yet to hear from her.

  • Incarnate

    It had been a frustrating week at work for Alan, and even though he was late getting away from his desk, he found a small clearing in the gloaming dark to set up his camp tent. The shift from the daylight sounds of insects buzzing to the small noises of tiny animal footfalls helped clear his overstimulated mind.

    For going a campfire, Alan opened a tin of pork and beans and ate before he climbed into his sleeping bag and drifted to dreamland. The sound of distant chanting woke him just after midnight, and he lay in his bag listening to odd voices, understanding none of the guttural words said.

    Unable to get back to sleep, Alan left his tent to find where the chanting was coming from and what it was for. The full moon offered enough illumination that he found a trail heading in the direction he needed.

    Through the thickness of the trees, he saw a glow about a hundred feet away. Alan drew as close as possible while maintaining in the shadows and unobserved.

    He shuddered at seeing several dark figures dressed in long robes slowly moving in a circle around a large stone altar. Alan’s blood chilled as he watched a blindfolded young woman lay naked on her back and across the altar, a horned goat head resting on her abdomen, suddenly beheaded.

    In a traumatic state of shock, Alan gasped and stood up, disclosing his hiding place amid the unlighted tree copse. The dark-robed figures continued to chant as another wielding a broad ax looked his way while the now-dead body’s arms raised and its hands gripped the goat’s horns.

    His world suddenly went dark with a crash as he was struck on the back of the head and rendered semi-unconscious. He tried to lift himself off the damp ground but could only move his head a few painful inches.

    As Alan’s eye’s cleared from the fog caused by the blow, he witnessed the naked body sit upright and place the goat’s head on its headless neck before climbing down from the altar as one. His pounding head dropped back into the dewy grass, and the last thing he remembered was the newly raised body with the appalling horned head walking by him, vanishing into the darkened woodline.

    It was pouring a hard rain as Alan returned to himself, head throbbing and loosely clotted blood hanging from the open wound. It took him another half-hour to finally gain the strength to roll over and sit up.

    He looked about and found nothing familiar from the hours before, not even the stone altar where the woman had once laid. He moved slowly to a nearby tree and leaned against it, half in and out of a sickly sleep until the middle of the day.

    On his feet, he slowly tripped, stumbled, and crawled his way to his campground. It was nearly nighttime when he returned to his tent and sleeping bag.

    Alan remained there through the night, half-sleeping, half-frightened from nightmare visions of the woman with the goat head entering his small tent. The following morning, feeling better but still in great pain, he slowly packed up and started down the trail with impaired energy to his car.

    Surrounded by the noises of the forest, Alan heard what he thought was a woman’s mocking scream, followed by the continued bleating of a goat. By the time he reached the parking lot, he was gone mad.

  • Nevada a Step Closer to Another Fraud-Laced Election

    Since November 2020, the election process in Nevada has been in peril.

    Aside from the problems with voting machines hacks, ballot harvesting, “dirty” voter rolls, mysterious late-night stoppages and deliveries, unauthorized algorithms altering votes and companioned between Reno and Las Vegas, unsecured ballot boxes, and “Zuckerbucks,” and others, now we have Assembly Bill 525 (AB525,) an omnibus spending bill of nearly $60 million with direct ties to the Nevada state Democratic Party.

    The taxpayer-provided dollars will “fund” several nonprofits, including $15 million to the Culinary Academy of Las Vegas;” $5.5 million for a nonprofit corporation formed to establish an art museum in Las Vegas; $4.5 million to the Community Health Alliance; $2 million to the Foundation for an Independent Tomorrow; $750,000 to the International Gaming Institute of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas; $1.2 million to the United Way of Northern Nevada; and $500,000 to the United Labor Agency, a nonprofit affiliated with the Nevada AFL-CIO and directed by members of organized labor and The United Way Foundation.

    The United Way of Northern Nevada is exempt from providing a report or an accounting of expenses related to the allocation as lawmakers removed the auditing language during bill realignment. Finally, besides being executed behind closed doors, lawmakers had only around five minutes to review the bill before it went to a vote in the Assembly.

    So AB525, in essence, pays for the personnel, training, and technology to obfuscate another Nevada election.

  • Cottonwood Sojourn

    A quick note on the Nevada weather and our overall courtesy…

    Springtimes annual snowfall from which so many derive the allergenic cold and that oft time is called cottonwood fluff has begun its natural sojourn to the nasal cavity of the unsuspecting and the expectant alike, proving the floating furball to be the only non-partisan seed in all of Nevada, save for the sage plant following a much-needed rain. So for politeness’ sake, offer up an honest, loud, and well-meant “God Bless you!” towards wherever the echoed shot of ah-choo might resound, for you could be its next sneezing-infested victim.

  • Indian Squaw Dress Up

    She and her friend, another woman, walked into Virginia City’s Priscilla Pennyworth’s Photo Shop ahead of me. I had listened to her talk, telling her friend how she saw the new Disney movie, The Little Mermaid, and how it didn’t advance the history of slavery, whitewashing the truth.

    Instantly, I knew she was one of those “woke” people who could not learn, unlearn, or relearn, with whom arguing is a waste of breath. So staying silent, dropping off the newspapers I was delivering, and sitting down, I listened to Hell Betty give her spiel.

    Flawless as usual, delivered with the confidence of one who has practiced her speech, aimed at customers for years. But then the woman saw a photograph on the wall of a woman dressed as an Indian squaw.

    “You have Native American clothing?” she asked.

    “Yes, we do,” Hell Betty answered.

    “I’m out of here!” the woman practically screamed as she turned am marched out to the boardwalk, leaving her friend behind.

    Instead of following the woman out of the shop, the friend said, “Guess it’ll only be me. Is there an extra charge for dressing up as an Indian squaw?”

    “Nope,” Hell Betty said with her distinctive laugh. “Let’s do it.”

  • The Danger in Burning the Bra

    Looking back on my childhood as an adult, I find myself standing at the window of revelation, in this case, the beginning of the women’s liberation movement and its real purpose. While the idea of burning bras sounded exciting to a pubescent boy, the real reason behind it is nefarious.

    Throughout the late sixties and even today, the message is that the movement exists to help women rise so they might have equal footing with men. However, after half a century of self-education, and awareness, it is not difficult to see that it has all been a ruse. The entire movement was nothing more than a case of societal manipulation.

    With women going to work and receiving a paycheck, the deep state was able to collect more taxes than ever before. Then, with mothers going to work and children going to federally funded schools earlier, this allowed for more time to indoctrinate.

    Women are still encouraged to metaphorically burn their bras only because the deep state wants control of society and craves more power.

  • The Nevada Legislature Finds a Way to Violate Free Speech

    Republican Nevada Gov. Joe Lombardo signed Senate Bill 406 (SB406) into law, making it a category E felony for “any person to use or threaten or attempt to use any force, intimidation, coercion, violence, restraint, or undue influence” ahead of 2024.

    A Category E crime in Nevada includes criminal gang recruitment committed by an adult, a second offense of peeping with a camera or recorder, or a first or second offense of marijuana possession of more than one ounce.

    The law also prohibits anyone from disseminating identifying or other sensitive information about an election worker without their consent. Lastly, provisions of the law also require the secretary of state, state treasurer, state controller, or attorney general from soliciting or accepting any political contributions during a legislative session or the 30 days before or after a session, putting the rest of the Nevada constitutional executives on the same footing as state lawmakers, the governor, and the lieutenant governor.

    What the other provisions do to protect election workers and why the bill’s sponsors added them to SB406 remains to be seen. It is a sure bet that it will be nefarious when it comes to light.

    It also strengthens the repression of free speech as desired by the Democratic-Communists, now freely operating in the halls of the Nevada State Legislature. Mark my words, for it will not be long before someone in the heat of passion hurts somebody’s feelings, violates this unconstitutional law finding themselves charged, convicted, and imprisoned for up to four years for sharing their opinion.

    After all, words are violence to every good Democratic-Communist, don’t you know?

  • The Thing in Bed

    Waking at 4 a.m., Monday through Friday, necessitates I go to bed early, and since my best sleep time is before midnight, I try to get there before 7 p.m. Last night was no exception, and I was fast asleep shortly after my head hit the pillow.

    Throughout the night, our dog Buddy will get up and go outside to do his business, then promptly return to flop beside me, usually on my left. He wakes me slightly, but I quickly return to sleep so it does not bother me.

    Last night, we followed our usual routine. When Buddy returned from his bathroom break, I woke momentarily but was within seconds, if that long, back sleeping.

    As I started towards REM, I had a peculiar feeling nagging at me. It felt like someone or something was watching me, and the idea finally forced me to open my eyes and look around the darkened room.

    Sitting beside the bed to my right and looking intently at me was Buddy. I looked at him and thought what a good boy as I faded into unconsciousness again.

    How long it took me to realize something was wrong, I do not know. But I became alarmed at knowing that since Buddy was looking at me and I was at him, what was behind me, on the left-hand side of my bed?

    “What in the hell is in bed with me?” I wondered, feeling my heart rate spike.

    Since I was lying on my right side, I gently reached back and felt a hairy something tucked into my back. Its chest wall rose and fell gently, indicating it was asleep, and trying not to panic, I slipped over the edge of my mattress and to the floor.

    Cautiously, I stood up and flicked on my desk lamp. I breathed a sigh of relief to learn it was our neighbor, the Smith’s black lab, Ruger.

    He had found our dog door, came in, and made hisself right at home. Rugar is a sweetheart of maybe a year.

    With Rugar still asleep, I gathered my cell phone and dialed the Smiths, asking if they were missing their pup. They were and had just called my wife, who had turned her phone off for the night, to have us send him home, which laughingly I did.

    Thank goodness it wasn’t a coyote pup or bear cub. At any rate, tonight, I will drop the cover on our outside dog door.