I don’t celebrate my age anymore. Instead, I celebrate levels, because being at Level 60 sound so much more bad-ass than simply being 60-years-old,

Everybody was off doing their own thing. I sat on the couch, alone, in my usual place, feeling sorry for useless ass, a drink in one hand and my revolver in the other. As I slowly got drunk, I began hearing voices. These were voices I had know a long time ago and they belonged…

Picked up a hitch-hiker last night. Once in the truck, he asked, “How do you know I’m not a serial killer?” “Statistically,” I answered, “It would be very rare to have two operating serial killers working in the same area, let alone sitting side-by-side in the same vehicle.” He didn’t believe me.

“Whose jacket is this?” Mary asked me, as she grabbed her wrap from the coat rack on the wall. I look at it as she lifts it up, “I don’t know. Maybe it belongs to one of the kids. Could have left it when they were here last week.” “You’d think one of us would…

If 2020 were a drink, it would be colonoscopy prep.

My wife and I got into an argument over a tree branch that had been hanging over the fence line and into our neighbors backyard. She wanted it removed; I said it wasn’t hurting a thing. Finally, after feeling sufficiently nagged half-to-death about it, I grabbed up my pruning saw and suspension ladder, and stomping…

Nevada, where you can’t get unemployment even after begging and a mail-in election ballot without asking.

Send $500 in cash to yourself through the mail, then tell me how secure you feel that the US post office is handling your ballot.

Get your butt out and vote…if the dead can do it, so can you!

Mike Pence is the first man in history to actually win an argument with a woman.