When the Trump administration took back the White House from Biden, a bunch of folks I know expected the Department of Justice to come roaring out like a pack of bloodhounds on the scent—law officers in suits, talking tough and playing hardball, just like that old Law & Order: SVU show. I even joked they…

Now, I don’t want to say I’m a lazy playwright, but I once wrote a one-act play about Helen Keller. She just sat in a chair and said nothing because, well, she was blind, deaf, and mute. Some called it avant-garde. Others called it offensive. I called it finished. It was during a short-lived period…

I once knew a man who ran for Lieutenant Governor of Nevada every election cycle, and by “ran,” I mean he slapped his photo on a glossy magazine, parked himself outside the Union Brewery, and campaigned to the tourists stepping off the trolley. His name ain’t important, but if you believe half of what he…

When I married my wife, I did it for all the right reasons. She had wit sharp enough to slice through small talk, beauty that could hush a room, and a charm that made waiters remember our names long after we forgot theirs. But I also married her for her personality—singular, I thought at the…

AHave you ever had one of those days when the world is just a little too ridiculous to ignore? The kind where your morning coffee hasn’t even cooled down, and already the internet is shouting, “Bondi says there never was an Epstein client list.” But here is my solution. I’m a fan of National Treasure.…

You give someone a taste of their own medicine, and suddenly, you’re the villain in their made-for-TV movie. They act like you laced their morning coffee with arsenic when all you did was let the mirror talk back. I remember this fella I used to work with—let’s call him Larry because that was his name.…

I’ve been awake since about 2:30. Not by choice, mind you, but due to insomnia. Mary had to be out the door before dawn for work, and once she stirred, so did I. It’s Sunday morning, so I shuffled into the kitchen, poured myself a strong cup of coffee, and invited Buddy and Honey out…

This morning, I declared war on burnout. Not the kind with torches and pitchforks, mind you. No, this was a quieter sort of rebellion—the kind that starts with a second cup of coffee, sipped real slow while watching a lizard do push-ups on the porch railing. See, the world wants you moving fast. Faster than…

I went to an antique auction yesterday, and several people bid on me. Now, before you think I’ve taken up tap-dancing in my twilight years or started a side hustle as a novelty garden gnome, let me explain. I wasn’t supposed to be for sale. I just sat down in the wrong chair, and things…

My childhood was 20 percent Kool-Aid and 80 percent unsupervised danger, and I’m not sure if I turned out all right or if I’m just too old to notice the damage. We made Kool-Aid with the sort of scientific precision that would make a lab technician twitch. First, dump a packet—usually red, never grape—into the…