Free Fallin’ Fritos

Back where I grew up, folks used to say if you took a wrong turn on Highway 199, you didn’t get a second chance. That stretch of road between Crescent City, California, and Grants Pass, Oregon, is less of a highway and more of a dare laid out by a mischievous road engineer with a dark sense of humor. Hairpin turns, cliffs, and a few guardrails to keep you honest—it’s a ribbon of pavement daring you to blink.

Earlier this week, a Frito-Lay truck proved just how unforgiving that canyon can be. According to the California Highway Patrol, 57-year-old David Doering from Crescent City managed to drive his bright yellow delivery truck right off the side of the road.

And not just a gentle roll into the ditch, mind you. Nope—David plunged about 150 feet straight down into the Smith River canyon.

Now, that would be the sort of accident you don’t walk away from, but David did. He climbed out of that wreck with nothing more than minor injuries, which has folks around here convinced two things must be true–one, he’s got angels working overtime, and two, the man will never again complain about sore knees on cold mornings.

Curt Cooter, who runs Cooter’s Towing out of Brookings, came across the wreck. Curt’s logged a million miles on that stretch of highway and has seen his share of smashed bumpers and dented fenders.

But seeing that bright yellow truck down in the gray riverbed made even him scratch his head and mutter, “I don’t understand why there’s no guardrail there.”

I’ll tell you why, Curt—because California’s Department of Transportation thinks guardrails are for quitters. Out there, the cliff is your guardrail, and gravity is your enforcement officer.

When photos of the crash surfaced, some thought they were photoshopped. A yellow Frito-Lay truck sitting neatly among boulders in the canyon looked less like a tragedy and more like a toy truck a kid had left behind after playing “Delivery Man vs. Mother Nature.”

Even CHP spokesperson Pete Gonzalez admitted, “It looks fake.”

But it wasn’t fake. That was 100 percent authentic gravity at work.

Now, most of us would figure if we’re going to plummet 150 feet, we’d want to be driving something sturdy—a Sherman tank, maybe, or one of those old Buicks built like a battleship. But David did it in a Frito-Lay truck.

A vehicle designed to haul Doritos, Cheetos, and Funyuns is not what you’d call canyon-proof. Yet somehow, it was enough.

Which makes you think maybe snack food has protective properties science hasn’t discovered yet. My wife suggests it was the air in the bags of chips.

Can you imagine the conversation in heaven’s break room?

Angel 1: “What’s today’s assignment?”
Angel 2: “Keep a Frito-Lay driver alive when his truck cartwheels down a canyon.”
Angel 1: “What’s he hauling?”
Angel 2: “Chips. Mostly corn-based snacks.”
Angel 1: “Well, that’s not fair. Those things are lighter than air. We can use the Cheetos as airbags.”

The miracle here isn’t just that David survived. It’s that after crashing a truckload of snack food into the Smith River, not one fisherman has reported reeling in a trout with a Cool Ranch Dorito in its mouth.

The cause of the crash is still under investigation, but authorities say drugs or alcohol weren’t involved. Conditions were clear, the road was dry, and David was sober. It leaves us with one explanation–that highway reached out and swatted another vehicle off its ledge, the way it’s been doing for decades.

You know, when I was a boy, my granddad told me, “Son, when the Good Lord decides it’s your time, it’s your time. Until then, you’re just going to bounce.”

David Doering bounced. And I imagine from now on, every time he walks into a convenience store, he’ll look at that wall of snack food a little differently.

Because when life handed him a free fall, those chips might’ve just cushioned his landing.