The fine people of Beatty sighed in relief when Beatty Disposal, under the grand and illustrious empire of C and S Waste Solutions, gifted them with garbage dumpsters. It put a swift and merciful end to a longstanding skirmish with the town’s real governing body—the free-range burros.
Before these modern marvels of refuse containment, folks employed every manner of barrel, can, and tub to hold their trash, only to wake up and find that the burros had executed yet another successful raid. The four-legged bandits would knock over the barrels, spread the garbage enthusiastically, and leave a mess that neither man nor God could fully reckon with. No matter how tight-fitting, lids served as little more than a brief delay in the burros’ pursuit of fine dining.
For those fortunate enough to have one of the original dumpsters, with their sturdy, battle-ready metal lids, it was problem solved. But those cursed with newer models, sporting flimsy plastic lids, soon learned that these burros had not just survived in the Nevada desert but thrived through sheer ingenuity.
It turns out that burros, like outlaws, can adapt to new security measures. The plastic lids were no match for their clever muzzles and tenacious spirits.
To aid the besieged residents, the disposal company generously offers a security bar for a mere $243.96—because nothing says “customer service” like charging folks extra to keep the varmints out. Some residents have taken matters into their own hands, rigging up homemade contraptions, including angle iron barricades, to thwart the nightly dumpster divers.
The burro-driven garbage redistribution program doesn’t just affect the immediate surroundings of the dumpsters. No, sir. The desert wind ensures that any refuse strewn about makes it far and wide, turning the whole town into a treasure hunt for airborne sandwich wrappers and mysterious, wind-blown receipts.
Upon hearing the outcry from beleaguered townsfolk, Tina Rieger of C and S Disposal assured all concerned that a long-term solution was in the works.
“I’m happy to share,” she announced, “that my team has developed a long-term solution and has found a source for metal dumpster lids.”
The company has placed an order for these superior lids, and upon arrival, the town can begin swapping out the flimsy fortifications for proper ones, prioritizing the hardest-hit areas. Meanwhile, the Bureau of Land Management (BLM), the official keepers of Beatty’s rogue burro battalion, is planning another round-up to thin the herd.
Past efforts have removed hundreds of burros, but their numbers remain as robust as ever. The latest census counted 1,015 of them in the Bullfrog Management Area, which sounds like a scientific way of saying “a whole lot more than we planned for.”
At its March 10 meeting, the Beatty Town Advisory Board weighed in on the matter, supporting population control measures, provided they didn’t involve terrifying helicopters swooping down like mechanical vultures. They prefer the bait-and-trap method, which, as one resident pointed out, could be simplified by simply waiting around while tourists roll down their windows.
Indeed, there may be no surer way to corral these critters than a kindly out-of-towner with a handful of snacks. If only the solution to the dumpster dilemma were as simple.
The Old Blog in the Desert 
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