The Gospel According to Saint Bernie

And His Apostle of Common Sense

It was a spectacle of democracy, or at least the latest attempt at it, when Vermont’s firebrand, Sen. Bernie Sanders, descended upon North Las Vegas with his faithful disciple, New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Together, they preached the old-time religion of the common folk against the golden idols of billionaire-backed politics.

The faithful gathered by the thousands at Craig Ranch Regional Park, waiting for hours in the desert sun, their patience stretching as long as the line, which twisted and turned like a snake looking for shade. If ever a revival had the fervor of a camp meeting, this was it.

As the crowd swelled, Democratic Congressman Steven Horsford took to the stage first, warming up the congregation with the familiar gospel of working-class unity. “Bernie knows,” he declared, “as you all do when working people stand together, we have the power to change everything.”

Then came Ocasio-Cortez, known to friend and foe alike as “AOC,” with a sermon against the high priests of finance. “I believe that when a person gets sick, they shouldn’t go bankrupt in the wealthiest country in the history of the world. Common sense,” she proclaimed.

She turned her fire upon the omnipresent Elon Musk, accusing him of taking over the federal government, like another of his vanity projects. “We must get big money out of politics and make clear that our country is not for sale.”

Then, the main attraction—Brother Bernie himself, the shaggy-haired prophet from the Green Mountains, rose to deliver his message with all the subtlety of a lightning strike. “My friends,” he thundered, “it is no great secret that our government is way out of touch with the needs of working families.”

He cast no distinction between the two parties, calling them both beholden to the moneychangers in the political temple. “It’s important to know that we are not going to make the changes we need so long as we continue to have a corrupt campaign finance system.”

The crowd roared, for the words were as familiar as an old hymn, but still, they rang true.

Of course, no sermon goes unanswered. The National Republican Congressional Committee, ever the straight-laced deacons of the opposition, dismissed the affair as mere stagecraft, a sideshow rather than a serious effort to save the soul of the nation. “We’ve seen this stunt before,” scoffed NRCC Spokesman Christian Martinez, calling it nothing more than “billionaire-funded activists staging phony protests to manufacture outrage.”

And so, the battle lines are drawn again, the old war between money and men, idealists and pragmatists, dreamers and cynics. The people of Nevada—many of whom have sworn allegiance to neither party—will have their say soon enough.

Until then, the revival marches on.