A Foggy Account of Facts and Figures

ICE Struggles with Simple Arithmetic

Now, it would seem a curious thing—one might even say a confounding thing—that an agency whose sole occupation is the counting, catching, and corralling unlawful inhabitants cannot, with any degree of certainty, say how many it has apprehended in a particular state. And yet, here we are. Two months into President Donald Trump’s second term, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement finds itself in the peculiar position of not knowing just how many souls it has plucked from Nevada’s landscape, a matter that one might suppose should be easier than tallying chickens in a coop—if, of course, the one counting possesses a working abacus and the chickens remain sufficiently still.

The president, a man of considerable enthusiasm for immigration, made a solemn promise to sweep the land of those unlawfully dwelling within it. Indeed, since his return to office, illegal border crossings have plunged to a level not seen in decades—perhaps owing to new policies or perhaps due to nothing more than the natural ebb and flow of human affairs, which often pay little heed to the proclamations of politicians.

Over the first 50 days of the administration, ICE claims to have arrested nearly 33,000 individuals found to be lacking in the necessary paperwork, with a wholesome 75 percent of them accused of or convicted of criminal acts. But when asked to provide a precise number of those arrests in Nevada—it seems a detail of such unfathomable complexity that it requires months of careful study, verification, and perhaps a consultation with the Oracle of Delphi. The department assures the public that it is laboring mightily to present only “the most accurate information.”

Though one might suspect that they are still, at this moment, rooting about in a desk drawer full of unsorted figures, shaking their heads, and muttering, “Now where did we put Nevada?”

Meanwhile, court records hint at a few cases—the deported 14 times man, whose persistence would be admirable were it not so unlawful, and a political refugee arrested in southern Nevada. But these anecdotes aside, the official tally remains a mystery, locked away in the vaults of government bureaucracy, awaiting a revelation that, one must assume, will be met with equal measures of relief and incredulity when it finally arrives.

For now, the people of Nevada must content themselves with the knowledge that immigration enforcement is well underway—somewhere, somehow, in some number—and that the wheels of government, ever steadfast, turn just as they always have: slowly, noisily, and with no small amount of confusion.