Nevada’s Legislature Proposes Preserving Watering Holes

The Nevada Legislature, in its infinite wisdom, has set its sights on a grand and noble cause—enshrining a collection of taverns and dance halls as a historical landmark. A resolution, tendered by Democratic lawmakers on Thursday, seeks to recognize the “Fruit Loop” in Las Vegas, a cluster of establishments that cater to the city’s LGBTQ crowd, as a site of great historical import.

Now, there ain’t a soul alive who disputes a man’s—or woman’s, or whatever—right to carouse where they please, but one does begin to wonder if taxpayer monies might get better spent on enterprises less fixated on commemorating the consumption of cocktails. According to the resolution, the area, situated around Paradise Road and University Center Drive, sprouted LGBTQ-friendly businesses in the 1970s and has since been home to such reputable institutions as the Piranha nightclub and QUADZ bar.

Meanwhile, as Nevada’s great minds dedicate themselves to the sanctification of nightlife, the state continues to suffer a mental health crisis that would make a lunatic asylum blush. Hospitals burst at the seams with the afflicted, funding remains as scarce as rain in the desert, and the resources needed to treat the desperate are getting met with the sound of crickets.

There is no hearing date set for this pressing matter, which is to say, even the Legislature has the good sense to delay a foolish endeavor when it sees one. But fear not, for when the day comes, we may all sleep easy knowing rather than tending to the needs of the sick and suffering, Nevada’s lawmakers have seen fit to erect a monument to merrymaking.

There is no word yet on whether the hallowed barstools shall get preserved behind velvet ropes or if the state intends to embalm the cocktail napkins for posterity.