Nevada to Declare Victory Over Death

The Nevada Office of Traffic Safety has delivered some uplifting news, provided your definition of “uplifting” includes a 7.14 percent decrease in people meeting their maker on the state’s highways. January 2025 saw a mere 39 souls depart this world via Nevada’s roadways, compared to last year’s 42, which means, in government math, we are all but immortal now.

Naturally, the bureaucrats are not content with this minor triumph over the Grim Reaper. No, they are aiming for what they call “Zero Fatalities,” a noble goal if ever there was one, though history suggests that as long as there are automobiles, there will be those who insist on using them in ways neither God nor Henry Ford intended.

Still, they press on, urging citizens to avoid such novel methods of self-destruction as drunkenly careening down the highway, texting, and launching themselves into oncoming traffic with the reckless abandon of a caffeinated squirrel.

Of course, the state acknowledges that its 2025 data is “preliminary,” meaning that some forms and reports still await the magic of bureaucracy for proper tabulation. It seems even in death, one cannot escape paperwork.

For those who believe in personal responsibility—a rare and endangered species these days—the message is this–Buckle up, keep your wits about you, and resist the urge to conduct physics experiments at 80 miles per hour. The government, after all, cannot save you from yourself, even though it will try, with slogans, pamphlets, and very sternly worded reminders that “zero is the only acceptable number” when it comes to highway fatalities.

Now, if only they applied that philosophy to government waste.