Avian Flu in Nevada Dairy Cattle

Here’s the latest installment of “Things You Thought Couldn’t Happen, but Here We Are.”

The Nevada Department of Agriculture (NDA) says avian flu—bird flu—has somehow made its way into the dairy cattle of Churchill County. Yes, you heard that right. The chickens are home to roost, bringing their germs to crash the cows’ party.

The NDA assures us that the affected farms are under strict quarantine, and testing is happening with the urgency of a man trying to find his pants during a fire drill. According to the NDA’s resident voice of calm panic, State Veterinarian Peter Rolfe, “Ensuring the safety of the industry is our utmost priority.”

Translation–They’re scrambling harder than a breakfast special at Denny’s. Rolfe also stressed the importance of “biosecurity practices,” which is a fancy way of saying, “Let’s keep the cows and the chickens from sharing any more snacks or gossip.”

If you’re wondering whether you should be worried about catching bird flu from your next glass of milk or cheeseburger, the NDA and the CDC want you to take a deep breath—just maybe not while standing too close to a cow. The risk to humans, they say, remains low.

And dairy and meat products? Perfectly safe. Rolfe even reminded us to follow food safety guidelines, as if we have to be told to cook our meat instead of gnawing on it raw like a caveman reenactor.

Here’s the setup for a bad joke: “What do you get when you cross a bird and a cow?” The answer is “quarantines and a lot of nervous veterinarians.”

But let’s not forget the larger picture: Avian flu has been detected in dairy cattle across 16 states since March of 2024. That’s not just a fluke; that’s a full-blown epidemic of bizarre proportions.

So, what’s the takeaway from all this? First, maybe we shouldn’t let cows hang out with the wrong crowd. Second, let’s get some masks for the chickens, as it “scientifically” workedduring the COVID pandemic, and third, if this keeps up, we’ll need a whole new section in the grocery store labeled “Pandemic-Proof Food.”