Because Who Else Will Hand Out Free Money?
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, U.S. Senator Jacky Rosen of Nevada declared the sky to be falling after former President Donald Trump—spurred on by policy adviser Elon Musk—announced plans to shutter USAID. According to Rosen, this act of bureaucratic demolition will result in nothing short of national security collapse, global chaos, and, quite possibly, locusts raining from the heavens.
“Make no mistake,” Rosen warned ominously, “ceding America’s global leadership is a gift to Vladimir Putin and the Chinese Communist Party.”
Because we all know, the only thing keeping world peace intact was a well-funded Washington agency handing out taxpayer dollars overseas. Forget the military, forget diplomacy—USAID is the lone force standing between America and the abyss.
Rosen also took issue with the legality of the move, insisting Trump can’t just go around dismantling agencies willy-nilly. She must have missed the last decade of political history, where presidents on both sides have treated constitutional limits like optional fine print.
But worry not—Rosen is ready to “work with her colleagues” (translation: send strongly worded letters) to stop this dastardly plot and ensure that USAID lives on to distribute funds and fight pandemics from its air-conditioned offices.
Meanwhile, Musk, seemingly delighted to be the puppet master of government policy, continues making announcements like a billionaire town crier as Trump revels in his favorite pastime—knocking over the carefully stacked Jenga tower of Washington bureaucracy to watch folks like Rosen panic.
The Old Blog in the Desert 