A Freeze, a Fiasco, and a Fractured Federal Fantasy

Gentle reader, it is a rare pleasure to witness a grand spectacle of government at work, particularly when said work involves running headlong into a wall of its construction. The latest demonstration of political acrobatics came courtesy of the Trump administration, which, in a moment of inspired miscalculation, attempted to freeze federal funding with all the grace of a steamboat captain yanking the whistle cord without first checking for icebergs.

On Monday, the White House Office of Management and Budget shot off a memo instructing states to freeze all federal grants and loans, an order that landed upon the nation like a cannonball in a henhouse. State officials, charities, and agencies promptly found themselves bewildered, their funds held hostage by a decree so perplexing that even its authors seemed unsure of its purpose. The administration, when prodded for an explanation, declared that the freeze was a noble endeavor to reverse the tide of progressive notions such as diversity, equity, and inclusion—concepts which, by all accounts, had been threatening to bring civilization itself to ruin.

Upon realizing that the effort was about as popular as a rattlesnake in a child’s cradle, the administration performed a maneuver known in political circles as the “rapid retreat,” rescinding the order with all the dignity of a man attempting to pass off a tumble down the courthouse steps as an intentional dance.

By then, twenty-two state attorneys general, led partly by Nevada’s Aaron Ford, had filed suit faster than a cardsharp folds a bad hand. As laid out before the court, the argument was that the President, in his enthusiasm for unilateral decision-making, had neglected a minor detail known as “the law.” Federal Judge John J. McConnell, presiding over the matter, concurred and issued a temporary restraining order, effectively informing the administration that Congress—not the President—holds the purse strings.

Basking in the glow of the judicial spanking, Ford released a statement hailing the ruling as a victory for Nevadans, democracy, and possibly even the concept of sanity itself. Meanwhile, Governor Joe Lombardo’s office noted that nearly 32 percent of the state’s budget was caught in the funding freeze, which did nothing to improve the governor’s blood pressure.

And so, dear reader, we close this chapter of political theater, where the moral of the tale is simple: if one intends to freeze something, it is best to ensure it is not the entire machinery of government.