Independent Thinking

I don’t remember exactly when I started thinking for myself, but I do remember the first time it got me into trouble.

I was about eight years old, sitting in Catechism next to Jimmy, who smelled like peanut butter and jelly. The teacher was explaining how Jonah had survived three days inside the belly of a whale. She said it was a miracle, and that was that.

Well, I raised my hand and asked, “Did the whale chew him, or just kind of swallow him like an asprin?”

Let’s say Catholics aren’t into speculative marine biology, and thinking out loud became strongly discouraged. That day, I learned two things–whales aren’t fans of digestion details, and grown folks don’t much care for kids who ask too many questions. Especially questions that sound a little too much like common sense.

Fast forward two decades, and not much has changed in that period.

I was working a radio gig—the kind with just enough responsibility to keep you awake but not enough to let you do anything grand. One afternoon, during a meeting, we discussed a new jingle package for the upcoming Nielsen ratings in our tiny market.

I asked, “Has anyone ever thought about just skipping the book?”

You’d have thought I’d suggested we have a sword fight with sharpened #2 pencils.

Here’s the thing no one tells you when you’re young and eager to please– the moment you start thinking for yourself, you become a threat to people who stopped doing it long ago. It’s like showing up at a zombie convention and refusing the brain buffet.

Folks don’t know what to do with you, so they either ignore you or try to get you back in line by quoting policy, scripture, or their Auntie. Now, I’m not saying thinking for yourself makes you smarter. It doesn’t always.

I once attempted to fix a water heater because a YouTube video said I could. That fiasco ended with a minor flood, a burnt forearm, and a plumber who laughed so hard he gave himself hiccups.

But it does make you more awake. It means you notice things—like when someone’s talking in circles, or when a plan makes no sense, or when the Emperor’s got his keister flapping in the wind.

Thinking for yourself is a dangerous business. It gets you booted from Sunday school, banned from bureaucratic meetings, and occasionally scalded.

But it also means you’re living your life and not just renting space in someone else’s brain. So, as for me, I’ll keep asking dumb questions and raising an eyebrow when things smell fishy.

And if that lands me in hot water again, well, at least I’ll be thinking while I’m in it.