A Pair of Persistent Pilgrims Pinched Once More

The Tale of Two Gents Who Couldn’t Take a Hint

Sit a spell and lend an ear, for I’ve got a yarn fit for these curious times—a tale fresh outta where dice roll and luck breaks like cheap china. It’s about two gents—one from Mexico, t’other from El Salvador—who’ve found themselves once more in the unwelcome arms of Uncle Sam, and this time it ain’t for the buffet.

One Heraldo Neftali Gomez-Jacobo, aged 54 and seasoned in ways best left to the imagination, was once shown the door back in the fall of 2003 after gettin’ caught in the most shameful sort of mischief—four counts of attempted lewdness with a child under 14. That there’s not just bad behavior–it’s the kind that curdles milk and turns angels away.

After that, the government gave him the boot and said, “Don’t come back now, y’hear?”

But sure as hens scratch dirt–Mr. Jacobo came back anyhow. ICE scooped him up on April 5 like a bad penny that rolled back underfoot.

His companion in calamity, a spryer fellow of 38 years, goes by Ismael Perez-Reyes. Now Mr. Reyez, for his part, had a bit of a tipple and a tangle, winding up charged with DUI in Vegas.

It seems it wasn’t his first dance with deportation, either—booted in December of 2022 and again just last November, which tells you something about persistence and a strong distaste for staying gone. He’d also seen the inside of a correctional facility, not as a tourist, but on account of having a fondness for illegal substances. Add to that a prior felony for slipping back across the border and now an open warrant out of Utah for violating his probation by returning like a ghost that don’t understand it’s dead.

The Department of Justice, not known for its sense of humor, has drawn up charges on both gents–one count each of being deported aliens found in the United States, which is a long-winded way of saying, “We told you not to, and yet you did.”

If convicted, Mr. Gomez-Jacobo may find himself with a twenty-year sentence, three years of government-sponsored supervision, and a fine that’d make a banker wince–$250,000. Mr. Reyez, being a slightly less frequent flyer but still a repeat offender, faces up to ten years, the same stretch of parole, and a matching fine.

The moral? If the government tells you to stay gone, you’d best not treat the border like a revolving door at the local saloon.